18.104.22.168.84, A US citizen who inhabited rec.woodworking as a self
appointed mouthpiece has been killed.
Family members say that 22.214.171.124.84 was tortured and killed over the
holiday weekend and now they're eagerly awaiting details on how much
he suffered before he met his demise.
Relatives of the deceased have congregated at the family home to
celebrate that they're finally rid of the asshole. As quoted by his
sister "This New Year's celebration will be the best one yet!"
The Somewhere resident was employed as the town asshole for the past
thirty years and all agree that he filled the job perfectly. Even the
town drunk admitted that 126.96.36.199.84 was ideally suited for the
position. A few other townspeople commented that the town counsel also
tried to hire 188.8.131.52.84 as the local coward, but ended up agreeing
that 184.108.40.206.84 was too busy as the town asshole to take on
In lieu of funeral services which no one will attend, the mayor of
Somewhere has declared a day of celebration where a full three quarters
of the town reserve budget will be allocated to funding beer at the
Please send any donations to the Somewhere garbage dump. Considering
that Somewhere dump officials will have to set aside a specially sealed
urn for 220.127.116.11.84's highly contaminated toxic waste, it's
appropriate that any monies assist with that purpose.