O/T: Atlanta Airport

[Lew Hodgett]

You gotta love this one if you have flown in/out of Atlanta or even if you've never lived in the South or flown in/out of Atlanta.

Some of you will enjoy this more than others.. Southerners can be so polite!

Enjoy

Lew

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Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R Allah be Praised."

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. Allah is Great."

Pause...**

Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"**

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511."

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.

WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE... INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."**

Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "

[krw]

No need for "eastbound". Runway 9 is headed East.

That would be "cleared to land on runway 27L". Makes the joke better too, even it has to be 'splained.

[cavelamb]

[Tom Veatch]

Having been born and raised in the South, it's sort of second nature to me, but Yankees sometimes don't realize that "Bless his/her/your heart" makes everything all right.

As in "He is one unmitigated, sorry-assed piece of pond scum! Bless his heart."

Tom Veatch Wichita, KS USA

[Ed Pawlowski]

How many people know that?

If you have to explain, it is not funny. We all stand in awe of you knowledge of the airport, but please, don't ever try to be a stand up comic where you have to explain stuff. You'll starve.

[Upscale]

I'll bet you're a blast at parties. Analyze a joke and offer tips to make it better. Nothing like being popular eh?

[J. Clarke]

General rule--put a zero at the end of the runway number and you have the heading. So Runway 9 points 90 degrees or due east.

No need to even know the name of the airport--27 is headed 270 degrees. In other words it's Runway 9 only you're flying the opposite direction. 27L would be the one to the left as you're approaching--27L would be 9R (means that there are two runways pointing the same direction--I dunno what they do if they have three pointing the same way, if any such airport exists).

[Leon]

Really!? When will it be back?

I don't see that, can you explain?

[Leon]

Don't you just love it when you have some "air port heads" try to explaing a joke to every one else, when they already get it and have moved on to other things?

[Doug Miller]

The runway number indicates the compass bearing in increments of ten degrees, e.g. runway 9 = bearing 90 degrees = due east, runway 18 = bearing 180 degrees = due south, etc.

Opposite bearings being 180 degrees apart, opposite-direction runway numbers are 18 apart, e.g. 9 and 27, 0 and 18, and so on.

At larger airfields runways often occur in left and right pairs designated xxL and xxR. 9L and 27R, and 9R and 27L, refer to the same strips of tarmac. The L and R switch places because what's on your left if you're heading east is on your right if you're heading west, and vice versa.

[Charlie Self]

God help someone on here telling a joe about camera. I'll nail 'em if they have one fact crossways.

[MikeWhy]

Dulles International, KIAD. Runway 1 and 19, right, center, and left.

[alexy]

Adjust the number as little as possible. ATL has five parallel runways: 9L/27R, 9R/27L, 8L/26R, 8R/26L, and

10/28. All are E/W (true), +2 degrees magnetic.

[Elrond Hubbard]

[e-mail] (Doug Miller) wrote in news:h7r8j1$con$ [e-mail]:

This one just gets funnier and funnier!

[alexy]

While I would find it funnier that way, I have to agree with most of the posters here. It is just fine the way it is for an audience without aviation knowledge. Sure, if you were going to post it in a rec.aviation group, you should make the changes you suggest. But it works the way it is for a broader audience.

[jo4hn]

and bless yer hearts, all of yuh, y'all. :-)

[Leon]

Oh that really really really makes the joke funnier. ha, ha? ;~)

[Leon]

God help someone on here telling a joe about camera. I'll nail 'em if they have one fact crossways.

LOL, and if you don't get'm Charlie, I'll be there. ;~)

[FrozenNorth]

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?

Someday my prints will come...

[Lee Michaels]

"FrozenNorth" wrote

Groannnn...