Age related

Getting up in the night for a pee?

The hairs in your ears and nose grow at six foot per week

At least you can tie them in a neat bow.

replying to DerbyBorn, Iggy wrote: Forehead Protrusion - Hairline recedes with no evidence left anywhere...no remedy. Choreography Development - Coughs or sneezes go wrong and blow-out your back or neck. Blown Seal - Prison breakers discovered on your underwear...increase your fiber intake. Brain Fart - Leave one room on a specific mission to retrieve something you know is in another room and get to the other room wondering why you're there...not often or frequent, but no remedy. Arm Reading - The days of seeing your fingerprints are tales of myth and legend...join the 6-eye club.

You save old half full cans of long solidified paint in case they come in useful one day.

You keep a jam jar full of terminally rusted screws with mangled heads and put a sticky label on saying "screws" so you can tell them apart from the jam jar full of rusted bent nails labeled "nails".

Anything you can't identify and have no idea what it ever did you put in a jar marked "Misc".

You save the 4 spools of strimmer cord which only fitted the strimmer you threw out 20 years ago.

You start keeping string.

You follow the postman to pick up elastic bands and store them in the "Elastic Bands" jam jar.

Not getting up in the night and still having a pee.

Went for a haircut today, young woman was making conversation with old bloke whose hair she was cutting. Have you done all your Christmas shopping? "Just about" replied the old boy " trouble is we are having problems planning meals as invited friends keep dying".

Found myself saying "Hope you haven't bought them expensive presents then". Fortunately I don't think he heard me but she did, nearly cut his ear off while trying to stifle giggles.

G.Harman

Ah. I've been doing this for years. Although I just pick them up in the front garden rather than following the postie.

The keyless unlocking on our last (and final) Range Rover meant you couldn't do this because it just unlocked again.

As I get older, I've started chucking stuff that I once would have saved for possible future use. Less future to use it in...

No, but you will probably forget to do those things.

Signs of what and will you remember what we say tomorrow?

Mine arrive through the door with the post inside them.

You've missed the container labelled "bits of stringb too short to be useful"

and very handy they can be.

In the past I kept the left over paint from completed jobs just in case that something needed a touch up at a later date only to find at this later date time had taken its toll on the on the original painted surface and the touch up was a different coloured shade.

Never done this and I've no intention of starting. Probably what has helped is that in the last 30 odd years there has been a family run hardware shop nearby which sells screws/nails individually or by the box or weight. A five minute walk and I can get any odd screw nail. I do however have drawer full of boxes of new screws - but never the ideal one for the 'quick' job I'm attempting to do.

My "misc" box starts out with stuff I can identify at the time but 10 years on when the other part of the item has been chucked I do wonder what some miscellaneous bits fit - or did fit.

Yes, I have/had a habit of buying 2 or 3 off at a time because they would be used eventually but neglected to consider something so abused would have a shorter life span.

In a kitchen draw I have a 15 year old ball of string and each week I cut off a few inches to tie up the plastic rubbish sacks before putting them out for roadside collection.

The biggest problem that I have is the postman will not discard the elastic band! If he did the 4 packages bound up would each individually fit through my letter box with ease. Bound together they result in a card through the door saying that the package is too large and I have to make a trip to the sorting office and join the queue wasting 30 to 60 minutes of my time.

Possible not a sign of old age but how many people have a loft/shed/garage full of empty cardboard boxes that the equipment they purchased came in? I only keep these boxes for 6 to 8 weeks in case the equipment fails early (bathtub failure curve) and they afterwards the boxes get junked - usually broken up and put on the compost heap (first leave out in the rain in order to easily remove the packing tape)

Get half way up the stairs with the phone in your pocket then answer it and then not remember whether you were going up or down. Leave the screwdriver in the fridge and the milk in the workshop? Brian

Actually the up to xmas Christmas cull of famous people has already started. Two, three if you count the french bloke. Brian

Ah I can identify with that, The other hairs on your body seem to do this as well, Trapped a load in my flies the other day, hacked them off. Even my feet have hair now!

Brian

Actually being serious for a moment. it is also wise to get your eyes checked for Age related macular degeneration more often as you age as the onset is rapid and some forms can be stopped by injections nowadays if you catch it early enough. Brian

I can no longer drink 12 pints a night. Bummer. Nowadays I could only manage 5 at most, but even that would require a ten-minute piss every hour throughout the night. ;-)