All this talk of LAB tests reminded me of the following story, too good not
Your Duck is Dead--
A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to th
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, y
our duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" Yes, I am sure. Your duck
is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testi
ng on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He retu
rned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's own
er looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the exa
mination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up a
t the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minut
es later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delic
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook
its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is mo
st definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bi
ll, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, too
k the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bil
l would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $