Coffin Needs

Afternoon, Mike...you might want to check out the link below for suggestions.

Good Luck...Bob

Thu, Feb 2, 2006, 11:37am (EST-3) snipped-for-privacy@yahoo.com (mike) doth sayeth: I have decided to build my own coffin Would 4/4 pine be OK or should I go with 5/4? If anyone has any other suggestions I would be happy to learn them.

Well, my personal preference is cremation - for various reasons. Orf course, by that time, it won't be up to me, it'll be up to my sons. But, hopefully they will do it, then they won't be spending money that could be put to better use, by them.

Well, if you're gonna plan that far ahead, I'd say pick people, in advance, that you detest, to be your pallbearers. That'll probably make them happy carrying you to your grave. But, when you make the casket, I'd say use the thickest, heaviest, wood you can get, and then pour concrete, or something heavy, in the bottom of the casket. Then the joke will be on them.

JOAT Shhh... that's the sound of nobody caring what you think.

Nah, just hide a tape recorder in a secret compartment that is activated by a motion sensitive switch so when the pall bearers lift the coffin it starts making fart noises...

Our Boy Scout troop has a coffin very much as described for use at halloween. It is standard 3/4" or 4/4 pine and is strong enough. It has a cracked board, but that is from years of abuse. A single use of a pine coffin shouldn't be a problem.

Brian Elfert

Yes, if you plan to re-use it often, go with 5/4 or more.

Funeral directors will lie their butts off to sell you a $6,000 box. Check with your local & state public health departments for the minimum requirements. The cemetery where you plan to be planted may have some say, too.

Somehow, I just KNEW you'd be the one to come up with that, Ed! :)

Beat ME to it.

Thu, Feb 2, 2006, 3:17pm (EST-3) snipped-for-privacy@spamcop.net adviseth: Nah, just hide a tape recorder in a secret compartment that is activated by a motion sensitive switch so when the pall bearers lift the coffin it starts making fart noises...

Make the coffin heavy enough and probably the pallbearers would take care of making the noises. Still, you're idea does raise possiblities - like a voice screaming out, "Take it easy you bastards, or I'll come back to haunt you!".

JOAT Shhh... that's the sound of nobody caring what you think.

I stole a link from JT a while back.

Tom in KY, My Dad wants to be cremated and placed in an old antique cookie jar that belonged to my Grandmother. Your question doesn't sound so morbid to me.

Most woodworkers who build their own coffin make one too large and heavy. 4/4 should be more than enough, unless you are unusually large.

Mike, Would you post back what you find out, especially regulations, and dimensions?

Our local paper used to print little fillers in the ad pages with public service type announcements. Every week, in the middle of the obituaries they had a spot to promote recycling. I sent them a letter thanking them for the idea to use granny's ashes on the compost pile. They never ran that spot there again.

Someone has to be the smart ass. It's my job.

Thank you for posting. I have much the same idea. And it's not morbid, it's the realities. And it's a good a time as any to have some fun right to the end.

I was at a furenal for my neighbour. Her casket had the look of pressed paper/formed MDF/particleboard with a faux finish that was badly layed on. It was less than impressive at the cost being charged.

I wouldn't worry too much about the wood variaety or thickness - 3/4" will be just fine. It'll be a damn sight stronger than 'store bought'. Just make sure the bottom won't fall out.

I have plans somewhere to build myself a coffin table that will convert to a real coffin (remove the legs), But I will down size it for cremation ashes. A funeral home idea of "a container suitable for creamation" is a cardboard box.

Pete

The only thing wrong with dying, is it's so hard to get up in the morning.

Interesting that it has a PATENTED dovetail design. I'm trying to figure out what is patentable about their dovetails.

On 2/3/2006 9:36 PM snipped-for-privacy@mts.net mumbled something about the following:

But there's enough to sleep when you die.

On 2/4/2006 9:38 AM Odinn mumbled something about the following:

Damn, that should have said

But there's time enough to sleep when you die.

I found it very unique to use sliding dovetails to enable easy shipment and/or storage of the sides of the box, yet very strong when assembled without using metal fasteners.

On 2/4/2006 5:27 PM Phisherman mumbled something about the following:

Sliding dovetails have been around for eons, nothing patentable there. Unique, yes, patentable, no.

and it will be the best sleep you ever had