Normal people check the roll status before they lower their trousers.
If all else fails, jump into the shower... Is
Bathroom cupboard with a spare roll in, spare roll on top of the cistern, spare roll slipped over the bogbrush holder..yell at wife...use Drivels copy of the Bumper Book of How Things Work,
use fingers and wash...call up Tonty Blair and pretend your Dubya Bush...;)