Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon was touring Perthshire in the First Minister's chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumped out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur, "You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
"You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, "I can't afford to be blamed for anything." The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
"My goodness, what happened to you?" asks Nicola. The chauffeur replies : "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me" "What on earth did you say to them?" asks Nicola. "I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said, 'I'm Nicola Sturgeon's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'"