Are you the homeowner?

[fred]

In article , ARWadsworth writes

Told you not to put in that handrail

[fred]

In article , geoff writes

IME saying anything or displaying any emotion gives them an inflated view of their own importance.

[geoff]

In message , fred writes

Then we both came out of it with a result

[Peter Parry]

1. A sign which reads "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again" (stolen from a sign in America)
2. "No, I'm the squatter".

[ARWadsworth]

How do you write "Fuck off" in braille on a handrail?

Adam

[geoff]

In message , ARWadsworth writes

Use syringe needles

[fred]

In article , ARWadsworth writes

In razor wire

or in anti climb paint (with a wet paint notice)

[Nick]

.... ... .

[geoff]

In message , Nick writes

How do you write, not how do you spell

smiley or summat ...

[Andrew Gabriel]

What reaction do you get?

[Andrew Gabriel]

or "No, I buried him under the patio"

[Colin Wilson]

No, the bank is, i'm being evicted in two weeks.

[Matty F]

Salesmen seem to be too stupid to know how to open my gate. So I don't get any salesmen or Halloween visitors.

This gate:

[dennis]

"This is a bail hostel, please make sure it is a member of the staff you are disturbing."

[Bob Eager]

The last one was taken aback, and just said it was rather intrusive. I replied that so was calling me at home without my permission.

[PeterC]

Dot It Yourself

[Lobster]

You mean you *told* her it was £20...

[jgharston]

Does yer dad own a brewery?

:)

[Zhang Dawei]

Although people may well have seen this one which deals with telephone calls, I think with a bit of thought, one might be able to do something with the same effect for doorstep cold callers:

[Ian White]

surprised they couldn't open it.