funeral arrangements ( DIY) possibly off topic

Ah, you're a zombie. I always wondered.

You might like to consider posting this to uk.legal.moderated.

Deric Longden's books are partly autobiographical - probably based heavily on his real life, but with "the volume turned up to 11" and made very funny. "Lost For Words" (book published 1991) was about his mother who had a wonderful way with words and with language ("You know, Deric - ten minutes of this rain will do more good in half an hour than a fortnight of ordinary rain would do in a month."), and who was cruelly robbed of her power of speech after a series of strokes.

His first book ("Diana's Story") was about his first wife who got a crippling and painful condition which doctors could not identify. When he started writing to supplement his income from a clothing factory that he ran, he met a fellow author (of romantic fiction) who was blind, and his wife Diana encouraged him and the author Aileen to fall in love, so he had someone for after she'd gone. That was made into "Wide-Eyed and Legless" with Jim Broadbent and Julie Walters.

That's what I said, if she doesn't trust him to carry out her will, pick someone else who she does trust.

It'd work out more expensive to use a solicitor rather than a relative as executor, but they're far more likely to do as she requests.

There are a few practical issues.

If Hubby arranges a quick direct cremation, the executors probably won't know in time to even try to stop him.

Besides that, there's no "property in a corpse", so the executors do not even have the power to stop him.

By FAR the simplest way of dealing with all this is to pre-pay for the style of funeral that you want. Then, if Hubby is even half as mean as you make him out to be, he won't want to waste a single penny of that money!

Robin's suggestion of a gift to Hubby only if he abides by your burial wishes sounds like a good one. Just don't overdo it, so he gets nothing if he fails to comply, or he may be able to get the will overturned. See Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

You sound really unhappy. Depressed, even. You could possibly benefit from a chat with your GP. Just a thought.

I cannot see where that site states that an executor cannot stop a spouse from arranging a cremation. On the question of disputes it has:

"If negotiation or mediation doesn't work then it is possible to make an application to court for the court to determine the dispute."

That can 'in extremis' include injunctive relief - which means hubby could face prison time if he ignores the executor - as covered here by Kingsley Napley

That is a good idea but not infallible. The better funeral plans will refund money if the executor doesn't want everything provided for in the plan.

Good point.

Yes. A number of my relatives have had their ashes buried or scattered in the village cemetery.

You just beat me to it! Someone there with legal experience will almost certainly have been this way before.

From what I gather over 70% of funerals now are cremations. I am one of the few who wants to be buried.

A tattoo would be hard to ignore.

It looks like I have to find a decent and reliable solicitor then. That isnt always easy either. I have bought two houses in my life. In both cases the solicitor seemed dodgy and was later struck off! Outside of large cities local solicitors can be of varying standards.

What GP would that be since covid then? No I am not depressed. I have just become aware kof how my OH is thinking and what he would do. Its a problem. It needs a solution not a bunch of anti depressants to make me feel happy about something I am not happy about.

There is a thought. That made me smile too. You never know, it could be the way forward. I have heard of people having tatoo's for refusing to donate organs and such things.

Yes, you're right. Thank you.

If, as others have suggested, the OP appoints a solicitor or bank as executor, it could be easy for Hubby to keep the executor in the dark about the death. Then, Hubby claims the body, and by the time the executor comes on the scene perhaps months later, the body has long since been cremated.

The Dina and Rasa case - the judgement of King Solomon springs to mind.

Interesting. Possibly, the OP can agree an alteration to the plan, to stop any refunds? Certainly, that's something for her to watch out for.

It's all change in the funeral plan industry, btw, as they all need to become insured.

I had always intended that if I went before him I would leave him all my money . I didnt realise what he was thinking until he came out with it the other day. he even told me that if he donated my body to medical science or some such they would pay for my funeral, thus meaning it was done for free.

I would never have dreamed of doing something like that to him. :(

I have told him what I think and he did try and back track but the damage is done now. I had intended doing as all my family before me, leaving a list of written instructions for the funeral and burial with the money and the rest by intestacy ( as I have no real desire to do anything that intestacy wouldnt do for me anyway. No need for a will ( until now) because I know wills do not work well anyway in my experience. You cannot contest intestacy.

:) I'm sorry.

You can have telephone cons with your GP, as and when needed.

although FTAOD people /can/ contest who gets what from an intestate estate under the provision GB mentioned - the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

On 05/05/2022 12:33, snipped-for-privacy@gmail.com wrote: ...

Cremations are cheaper, from under £1,000 for an unattended cremation, to a bit over £2,000 for one with a service. For many people, that is important, even if it is one of the few things that can be paid for from the estate before probate is granted.

Personally, I will be past caring either way when the time comes.