At least you resisted the temptation to mention that black helicopter that flies over the neighborhood every few days, running their positronic ion-beam generator, which randomly scrambles the energy field lines -- effects that last for a week or more.
That in _this_ neighborhood, it is necessary to do such mappings at least twice a week, for a month or more, to get an 'average' set of readings. And that, if they do get the same readings on two successive runs, that they must have been doing it *when* the positronic beam generator was overhead -- that their "instruments" have been permanently contaminated by that exposure, and must be _immediately_ discarded and replaced.