We need a little laugh once-in-awhile:
A true story told by L.A.P.D.
Philski
We need a little laugh once-in-awhile:
A true story told by L.A.P.D.
Philski
First time I heard this one it was an Irishman needing potatoes dug; son was IRA. Most recently, was a Palestinian; son in Israeli jail. Not a true story, but that's LAPD for you...
First time I heard this one, it was the redneck's momma writing to him in prison, somewhere in the SE U.S.
Charlie Self "Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half." Gore Vidal
First time for me was the IRA version, LMAO, as I recall.
djb
There is also a version with drugs hidden in a block of wood in the woodpile. The agents come a split all the wood looking for it. That one wouldn't even need an "OT" :-)
Tim Douglass
Actually, I heard this in a few slight different versions, but it has been quite a while. Just forwarded to friends. Thanks.
On Thu, 23 Sep 2004 00:14:05 GMT, "Philski" calmly ranted:
-snip-
I'll see you and raise you one from my email box today:
DEAD OF SUMMER
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake.
The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh... if I go down three inches ... I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly...and I will grab him."
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.... "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."
You probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more....
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish...the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time ~ "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly...the bear grabs the fish... the hunter shoots the bear... the mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...the cat jumps for the mouse... the mouse ducks... the cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is:
Whenever a fly goes down three inches .... some pussy is in serious danger.
-------------------------------------------------- I survived the D.C. Blizzard of 2003 (from Oregon) ----------------------------
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Larry Jaques wrote: [snip of massive yuk]
Guess I missed the part where the shaggy dog comes in. Made me laugh. Thanks. mahalo, jo4hn (gone for a week - anybody notice?)
First time I heard it, the IRA son was in the british army in WWI...
And, now, as Paul Harvey says... "... for the _rest_ of the story."
Poor tabby was a dearly beloved pet, and the family was absolutely broken- hearted over her demise. So, the body was recovered from the lake, and taken to a taxidermist for preservation. Unfortunately, between the actions of the denizens of the lake, and some careless handling en route, the frontal portions had been damaged beyond repair. The taxidermist did the best he could with what he had to work with, mounting the hindquarters on a nice plank of walnut (obwoodoworking content), and inscribing a brass insert with the the name, and date of demise.
The family was less than thrilled with the outcome of the effort, but, after some contemplation, decided that it was an appropriate marker for the episode.
There was no argument, from anyone, that the ultimate result of the fly slipping down was a cat-ass trophy.
" ... And there you have it, folks --- the *rest* of the story."
HOW TO CLEAN A TOILET
Sincerely,
The Dog
And now we know why the cat was outdoors.
If there isn't a law against that sort of humor, there should be....
:P
Thanks for the laugh.
On Fri, 24 Sep 2004 03:26:52 +0000, snipped-for-privacy@host122.r-bonomi.com (Robert Bonomi) calmly ranted:
-megasnip-
And a fitting END it is, Bobbonommi.
-------------------------------------------------------- Murphy was an Optimist ----------------------------
On step #3, I'd recommend wearing a falconer's glove 'cause that "smooth movement" is easier said than done.....
[snip]> [snip]Since we have been focused on hurricane season on the Gulf Coast, Houston has issued the official Houston 2004 Hurricane Evacuation Plan:
Hispanics use I-10 West to San Antonio Cajuns use I-10 East to Lafayette Rednecks use 59 North to East Texas Republicans fly Continental to Washington DC Yankees and Democrats use 45 South to Galveston Longhorns use 290 West to Austin Aggies use the 610 Loop
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