I found this when searching for another old post:
Enjoy!
--snip-- From snipped-for-privacy@my-deja.com Tue Apr 18 05:35:17 2000 Subject: Action Norm From: shavings Date: Tue, 18 Apr 2000 12:35:17 GMT
Since Floyd deciede to get nostalgic on us, I thought it was high time to repost this:
Acti Seen the ads for _This Old House Magazine_? Wondering where it will all end? Well, the fun's not over, pals and gals, 'cuz now we have NORM ABRAM ACTION FIGURES!
No reason for the tools to stop hummin' and the fun to stop comin' when they roll those closing credits! Now you and all your little "apprentices" can have hours of fun with your very own ActionNorm(TM)!
Basic ActionNorm(TM) Figure comes with flannel shirt, blue jeans, OSHA-approved MiniWorkBoots (TM), working tape measure, glasses, goofy grin, and detachable arms, hands, and fingers.
Think of the fun you and your kids can have patching up ol' Norm when he does a "boo-boo" on the table saw -- you can learn safe shop practice and microsurgery all at the same time!
ActionNorm(TM) PowahPak Tools include battery-powered Belt Sandah(TM), BisKitJoinah(TM) and AihStaplah(TM) among many others. These cost as much as the full-sized tools Norm uses on TV, and they wear out just as fast too!
ActionNorm(TM) WorkPak includes ToolBelt, plans for a miniature blanket chest, Lumbroid(TM) Action Building Material, folding edible Extend-O-Rule, made-to-scale 1" wire brads, and Tourn-O-Kit RepairPak for when Norm does a "boo-boo" on the table saw.
ActionNorm(TM) Endorse-o-Pak includes signed agreements with most major tool manufacturers, a toolbox full of real cash, and a Talking Mouthpiece(TM) lawyer figurine which utters 12 baffling but authoritative phrases!
BUT WAIT....THERE'S MORE!
Ever wonder whose Delta Norm's checkin' out when he's not in the shop? Well, she's here, she's from Revere, and her name's DoveTail Donna(TM)!
DoveTail Donna comes with Save The Rainforests T-Shirt, designer jeans, OSHA-approved patent leather WorkBooties(TM), and fully equipped DoveTail Donna(TM) ToolBelt (choice of earth tones or teal/purple/black). Optional accessories include chuck-key-lanyard hair band, emery boards (80, 150, 220, and 340 grit), and full line of Bartley's Gel System Cosmetics. Optional outfits include NurseDonna(TM) outfit with Tourn-o-Kit and Press-o-Bandages -- that's right, DoveTail Donna's a real RN, so that when ActionNorm does a "boo-boo" on the table saw, she's right there to help! Remember, kids, ActionNorm(TM) gets it done twice as fast when Donna's holding the other end of his workpiece!
AND IF YOU ACT NOW, WE'LL THROW IN A FREE BOOK!
Ever wonder why Norm's projects go together first time, every time? It's because he knows what every professional craftsman knows: those "swear words" are eally _secret mantras_ which can improve your projects and and make them look just like they were done by the pros! Now, in _Talk Like a Tradesman with Norm Abram_ YOU can learn to cuss just like real craftsmen do! Norm lets you in on the "trade secrets" that were "too much" for _This Old House_ and _New Yankee Workshop_:
-- "Sonofabitchin' bahstahd!" -- the way to drive big nails straight _every time_!
-- Get those joints tight, tight, tight with "mizzable cahksuckah"!
-- "the hahse ya rode in on" -- handling problem personalities at the Home Center and on the jobsite!
We'll throw this valuable book in FREE with your purchase of ActionNorm and DoveTail Donna -- or you can take it as your FREE GIFT for joining the Norm Abram Woodworkah's Book Club! Other titles include:
--"Make Things Which Have Geese On Them with DoveTail Donna"
--"Martha Stewart's Guide to Heavy Earthmoving Equipment"
--"Clip Your Own Poodle and Save A Bundle with Bob Vila".
Operators standing by....
--snip--
-- A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself. -- Louis L'Amour