Wrecklish - A Guide For The Non-Native Speaker
"Planner", "Planar", "Planer" - All of these refer to a machine that
is used to thickness and surface lumber. They may be used
interchangeably but the local preference is for "Planner". Some would
insist that a good "Planner" would make his infeed and outfeed
"Planar" with the bed of the "Planer" but these sorts don't last long
"Jointer", "Joiner" - Also terms that can be swapped indiscriminately
without fear of reprisal. To those who would say that a "Joiner" can
use a "Jointer" but that most "Jointers" lack the intellect to use a
"Joiner" properly, most Wreckers would merely say, "Feh!".
"Mantel", "Mantle" - This one is obviously a fielder's choice although
the origin is cloaked in mystery. It is said by some that a "Joiner"
may wear a "Mantle" whilst building a "Mantel", while one who would
wear a "Mantel" might have a Christ Complex, or at least be
uncomfortable at parties. Ancient references suggest that Mickey
Mantle, while capable of building a Mickey Mantel, could not construct
a Mickey Mantle, at least out of wood. Then again
"Advice", "Advise", "Vice", "Vise" - Certainly all victims of the same
root structure, these are properly used as follows: "I went to the
Wreck to solicit "Advise" about the proper selection of a "Vice" and
having been "Adviced" by the cognoscenti, I avoided the "Vise" of
misapplication." Sparkling in its clarity, that.
"Board Foot", "Bored Foot" - Whilst one is a unit of measure equal to
144 cubic inches, the other is what happens to a pedestrial appendage
that is used as a hold down on the drill press. Which is which is a
matter of hot debate.
"Tenon", "Tendon" - While it is entirely proper to say "He severed his
"Tendon" while cutting his "Tenon", it is also perfectly fine to say
"He severed his "Tenon" while cutting his "Tendon". Don't worry about
this one it hardly ever comes up.
"SawStop" - A device which has been proven to make safe the cutting of
hotdogs on the tablesaw. The Hotdog, Wurst, Weiner and Kielbasa Cabal
is said to be pushing for its required use on all future tablesaws.
"Spontaneous Combustion" - A theory proposed by the those who insist
that dust collection piping that is made of plastic will lead
inevitably to shop explosions of nearly nuclear force. (cf:
"Norm", "Roy" - Greek gods cloaked in the motley of modern usage. The
"Normites" make use of "'Lecktricity" (see below) while the "Royds"
eschew all modern devices, save "BandAids", which are specifically
included in their rituals and are, in fact, the common sign of the
brethren, so that they may know each other at WoodDorking Shows.
"'Lecktricity" - Although thought to be in the firm grip of science by
most, Wreckers have proven this to be a fecund area of debate and
opinion. When soliciting "Advise" about "'Lecktricity", one must
always be sure that it is "UL Approved", rather than "URL Approved".
I must humbly beseech you to accept my apologies for the
incompleteness of this guide and reference. I would hope that Messr.
Eisan of Canukistan would enshrine this poor beginning in the Holy FAQ
as a living document - to be added to and amended as the members see
I remain, Your Obedient Servant In WoodDorking,
"People funny. Life a funny thing." Sonny Liston
Thomas J.Watson - Cabinetmaker (ret.)
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email)