OT- Humor - For you Net Nannies - English Lesson

Since we're now living in the time of e-mail and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.
So, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
- Always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
- Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
- Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
- One should never generalize.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- From the book "Fumblerules" by William Safire
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gary in virginia wrote:

Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.     (Churchill IIRC)     jo4hn
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"This is a form of pedantry up with which I will not put"
Winston Churchill
Max (who repeatedly stumbles in his struggles with grammar)
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Max wrote:

such problems. "I won't put up with this form of pedantry.
I doubt that that the Churchill quote is actual unless it was made in jest.
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Sir Winston _did_ say it. Deliberately, and 'with malice aforethought' as it were. A response when chastised by a stuffy matron for 'violating' the "rule" against it.
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