Not Quite O/T - Building An Ark


Building An Ark
In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Florida, and said, "Once again, the Earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
The Lord gave Noah the blueprints saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.
"Noah," the Lord roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark I commanded you to build?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I had to get a building permit. Then, I've been arguing with the building code inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My home owner's association claims that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Zoning Appeal Board for a resolution."
"Then the Public Service Commission demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving the power lines, the telephone lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the way for the Ark's passage to the ocean," Noah continued. "I argued that the ocean would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There is a ban on cutting local trees in order to protect and save the Red-Cockaded Woodpecker. I tried to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife and the Sierra Club environmentalist that I need the wood to save the woodpeckers. But it was no go!"
"Lord, when I started gathering the animals according to your instructions, I got sued by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will."
"Then the Humane Society sued. They argued that the Ark was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"The Environmental Protection Agency stepped in and said I could not build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my Ark building."
"Then, the United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners of America trade union said I can't use my sons to help me build the Ark. They insist I can only hire union journeymen carpenters with Ark building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country without paying my taxes."
"The IRS brought in the Immigration and Naturalization folks to check my visa and passport."
"So, forgive me Lord, but with all the reviews, permits, documents, law suits and stuff it will take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark!"
Suddenly the skies cleared, and the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "Lord, you mean you 're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord, "the Government beat me to it!"
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Sun, Sep 3, 2006, 8:45pm snipped-for-privacy@comcast.net (JohnFlatley) posted a lot of something: <snipitty snip>
If he'd been smart he'd have asked for a permit to build a garage, then built it to look like he wanted.
You must have a LOT of time on your hands..
JOAT Laundry room - drop your pants here.
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If he'd been smart he'd have asked for a permit to build a garage, then built it to look like he wanted.
JOAT Laundry room - drop your pants here.
Seems to work that way in my town. Neighbor got a permit to build a garage so he could store his "toys" (corvette, boats, etc) out of sight. Then he promptly moved his full time printing business into it. Village said no street signs as it's a residential neighborhood. So, he puts up an oversize mailbox at the street with a large address sign on top that just happens to "mention" his business name. But, I must say, he runs a clean business, is a nice guy, and doesn't interfere with my property use.
Tom G.
PS. The Corvette does get to stay in the garage.
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Mon, Sep 4, 2006, 6:40am (EDT+4) snipped-for-privacy@nospamverizon.net (TomG) doth sayeth: Seems to work that way in my town. <snip>
Yep, long ago my dad wanted to build a barn for my sister's horse. The politicians wouldn't issue a permit for a barn. Don't really know why, we had five acres, and were in the country, with farm land on both sides, and across the road.
But they were very happy to issue a permit for a garage. Which wound up looking exactly like a bann, and housed a horse. The only vehicle that ever entered it was his old Ford tractor. That was the one he had totally rebuild. Almost that is, he neglected to get any work done on the brakes. He told me it didn't have brakes just after I almost destroyed the picnic table. I couldn't turn because I was standing up with my foot on the brakes, trying to get the damn thing at least slowed up enough to risk turning the wheel. Finally got to the ignition and turned it off. It coasted to a stop just before it hit the table.
JOAT My shop, my rules.
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On Mon, 4 Sep 2006 04:41:10 -0400, snipped-for-privacy@webtv.net (J T) wrote:

Yep, those old Fords are notorious for brakes not lasting. I replaced the brakes on my 9N a couple of years ago; the problem I had was that the axle seals had failed and allowed transmission oil to contaminate the shoes, no amount of adjusting could fix that. Just as an aside, if you are ever in that position in the future, drop the throttle down rather than trying to slow down with brakes -- tractors work better that way.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Sun, Sep 3, 2006, 8:45pm snipped-for-privacy@comcast.net (John Flatley) posted a lot of something: <snipitty snip>
If he'd been smart he'd have asked for a permit to build a garage, then built it to look like he wanted.
You must have a LOT of time on your hands..
JOAT Laundry room - drop your pants here.
Putting one's tongue in cheek doesn't take very long. No woodworking time was required, I just copied it. (Well, I did personalize it to Florida and several Florida state departments.)
Note: I would get a permit to build a garage (workshop) if I could find a reliable builder at a reasonable price.
Flatley
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J T wrote:

When my astronomy club applied for a permit to build our observatory our President wanted to get a permit for a meeting hall. That would have been a disaster, given the requirements for plumbing and so on in the code. I applied for a permit for a utility building (e.g. storage shed), no problem. We never mentioned to the building inspector that the roof rolls off and he never asked.
We do have an outhouse. Yes, there is a moon on the door.
--

FF


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