Electric Onion Mounting Procedure

To properly mount and electric onion, you must insure that it's properly grounded according to the NEC rules and procedures. This process requires core dissection and a proper balun diameter. Begin by removing the core of the onion, leaving everything except the basic core slice. Using a #11 enameled and epoxy coated copper wire, wind exactly 302.6 turns of the wire around the onion. Next, take a bare aluminum #30 wire, and encase a 16.35 inch section in radioactive nitrate woven filament, being sure to coat the entire length of the wire. Using a laser diameter of 28 on the US scale of lasercious, deposit this wire into the onion, being sure not to contact the copper windings, yet horizontal the the apparature of the centrifical difference between windings 3 through 7 and precisely 0.13 centimeters angulation.
Apply 36.8 volts DC + or - no more than .25% variance and be sure the voltage is constant and regulated. Allow voltage to flow for 250 minutes, and be sure the left end of the copper windings are solidly grounded to a copper driven rid no shallower than 32 feet into the earth. Insure the clamp is solid brass constructed, and bare the end of the coil 0.9 cm and use a section of 14 gauge stranded copper building wire insulated to 600 volts and no longer than 12.2 feet. Connect tightly to ground screw.
Once onion has been properly energized, as directed, remove the voltage source and carefully lift onion, using non-metallic clamps. Do not under any circumstances disconnect the ground. Apply onion, with all magnetic coils intact, to any magnetic material, such as a metal appliance. Onion should snap right in place. Once mounted, locate precise center of onion, and allow balun to settle and grip securely. Then apply .065 volts regulated DC, at no more than 300ma. Allow current to flux the onion, and a slight vilocense should cause a noticable vibration, and 72 cycle tone should ensue. Allow this voltage to permanently flux the core of the onion.
You have now successfully mounted the onion, based on U.S government allowable procedures, as listed in Article OMP.4068.2. Cited 4-2010.
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On Thu, 24 Feb 2011 05:52:25 -0600, snipped-for-privacy@guide.com wrote:

WTF? Is there some purpose for this? What happens next? Please explain why someone would do this...... I don't get it !
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wrote:

I understand what is going on.
It should have also included the appropriate military spec: MIL-TDS-41
For those who do not recognize that one its title is "Make It Like The Damn Spec Four Once"
Charlie {DAMHIKT)
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That's the spec for PC bureaucrats. Troops on the line used MIL- TFP-41, 'Make it like the f***ing plans for once'.
Joe
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They did...problem is, the plans were wrong.
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