An Actual Craig's List Ad

[Oscar_Lives]

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 05-27-2010, 1:43 a.m. EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I =

hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,=20 threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and=20 earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather = important=20 message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you = to=20 actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my = jacket..=20 The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a = reason..=20 My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 45 ACP pistol = for my=20 birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very = evening.=20 Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed = at=20 your head... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from = with=20 that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking=20 bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet = with=20 me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come = help=20 mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your = cell, I=20 explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled = up=20 my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- = on=20 your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and = was=20 extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along = with=20 all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked = at=20 the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the=20 entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma = Bell=20 just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little =

over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get = in=20 two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while =

mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess = while=20 he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you... but I feel =

this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your=20 threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of = these=20 rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the=20 opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path = you've=20 chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so = lucky.Have=20 a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto .. An armed society makes for a more civil = society!=20

[Daniel who wants to know]

Why is it deemed a good thing when the mugger becumes the muggee?

The guy demanded money and articles of clothing and was instead forced to give money and an article of clothing.

Same as in "The Fifth Element", which is one of my favorite movies. The mugger became the mugee, he demanded cash and Corbin took his gun.

In the case of the craigslist post after defending myself with my gun I would have just taken the scum's ID card to the nearest police station rather than proceeding to commit a string of my own crimes and then brag about it online. Might have even used the voice or video record function on my phone to make him confess right on the spot, it would probably be inadmissable in court but the cops might find it interesting.

[Hell Toupee]

Check snopes. He found the guy who wrote and posted the original ad. The guy explained that he had been mugged, but wrote the ad months later as a revenge fantasy. Then it began circulating via email and people began adding details to it, which annoyed the original author. But the point is, according to the guy who wrote the original, it is complete fiction.

[Daniel who wants to know]

I find it good that isn't true, never thought to snopes it. The fact that it is forwarded so often and apparently augmented is sad.

[ilbebauck]

I doubt the Mugger learned his lesson ; its probably the only time he got a gun pointed at him from someone hes trying to steal from, so...hes likely to play the odds and keep on doing it. I think you should have held him at Gun point making a Citizens Arrest, until the Police came ; him spending some time in jail has a much more refining influence on a Punk than having to walk barefooted home . In any case, hes lucky he isnt pushing up Daisys and having you pee on his cheap grave.