OT Humor: I'm baaack!

[jo4hn]

Gunslinger & the Old Prospector

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He had been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, ?Hey old man, have you ever danced??

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, ?No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.?

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, ?Well you old fool, you?re gonna dance now? and started shooting at the old man?s feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, ?Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass??

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, ?No, but I?ve always wanted to.?

Don?t mess with old guys . . . .

yesssssssss, jo4hn

[Robatoy]

Welcome back, sir. You weren't on the QEII, I hope?

r

[Bob Schmall]

A gunslinger strolls into a saloon, draws both pistols and yells, " All right, you stupid bastards, get out!" All three dozen men in the place bolt for any exit, but one old guy is still leaning on the far end of the bar. The gunslinger walks slowly up to him and says, "Well?" The old guy says, "Sure were a lot of 'em, weren't there?"

[Robatoy]

Sheriff walks into the saloon and asks: "Anybody in here seen a man, about 6'-4", black moustache, brown paper vest, brown paper shirt, and brown paper pants?" A voice pipes up and asks: "What's he wanted for, sheriff?" Sheriff takes a deep breath, puts his thumbs behind his suspenders and says: "Rustlin'!"

[LRod]

On Mon, 29 Jan 2007 14:29:34 -0800, jo4hn wrote: [snipped]

Hey, I can get in on this:

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

[jo4hn]

Flying Dutchman, IIRC

[Robatoy]

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghuably a nice vessel, matey.

[Dude]

A man goes to a cocktail party and sees a beautiful woman across the room. He approaches her and asks her name.

"My name is Carmen,"

The man tells her, "That is a pretty name."

She says, "I started calling myself Carmen because of the two things I love most, cars and men. What's your name?"

"Golftits,"

[fredfighter]

Did you ever hear the song about the cowboy with manure in his mustache?

"Lookin ' for love in all the wrong places..."

[Robatoy]

That is disgusting.

[jo4hn]

Lordy, Lordy. I do love some of these Humor threads. spasm, jo4hn

[Old Grey]

The old cowboy was out on the trail when his horse was spooked by a rattlesnake. He drew his six-gun as was ready to fire when the rattler said "Wait I am a magic rattlesnake and will grant you three wishes if you let me go". The cowboy wished for sacks of gold, a big cooked breakfast and to be hung like his horse.

The next morning he awakes to the smell of bacon, eggs and potatoes roasting on the campfire and finds sacks of gold lying at the foot of his bedroll. Thinking that the magic rattler was true to his word he looks down at his groin and exclaims "Oh shit, I forgot I was riding Ol' Nell!"

Old Grey

[Lew Hodgett]

The Golfer:

Guy was an average player.

One day, he hit his T-Shot on the 2nd hole about 200 yards and sliced it into the woods.

Went into the woods looking for his ball and found it under a Lilly pad, right next to a Wee person who was resting there.

The Wee person said, Ye found me and if ye let me go, I'll grant you a wish."

The golfer thought for a moment and then said, "I'd like to be a scratch golfer."

The Wee person said, "I can do that but it will impact your sex life."

The golfer said, "That's OK, I want to be a scratch golfer."

The Wee person granted his wish, and for the next couple of years the golfer played fantastic golf.

One day he was playing at the same course where he met the Wee person, and once again he hit his T-Shot on the 2nd hole about 200 yards and sliced it into the woods.

First time he had hit a bad shot since the last time he played this hole.

Went into the woods looking for his ball and once again found it under a Lilly pad, right next to the same Wee person who was resting there.

The Wee person said, "I remember you, I granted you a wish to be a scratch golfer, but told you it would affect your sex life."

The Wee person said, "So how are things going?"

The golfer said, "Playing great golf, this is the first bad shot I've hit since I last saw you."

The Wee person said, "And how is your sex life?"

The golfer said, "Once, maybe twice a month. Not to bad for a priest in a small parish."

Lew

[J T]

Guy drives onto a bridge, stops his car in the middle, gets out of his car, and climbs up on the guard rail.

An old lady was standing there and asks him, "What's wrong?".

The guy says, "My wife just left me, my mortgage is due and I'm broke, and I stole $1,000,000 from my work and lost it all on the horses, so I'm going to Kill myslef".

The old lady says, "I'm a witch, you come home with me tonight and have sex with me all night long and I'll have your wife back home, your mortgage paid in ful, and all the money paid back"".

So the guy goes home with her and has sex with her all night, then passes out. He wakes up and the old lady is leaning on one elbow staring at him, and she asks him, "How od are you". The guy says, "I'm

37". The old lady says, "Aren't you pretty old to still believe in witches?".

JOAT Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly will acquire the skill to do difficult things easily.

- Johann Von Schiller