It's a contest run by the San Jose State University English Department. They
solicit the worst opening lines to a novel. No books, just the proposed
Some of my favorites:
"The senator must have tied one on last night," said Sheriff Danglebooper,
"cause he was seen leaving the party about eleven and this morning his car
was found in the smokestack of a British destroyer in the Formosa Straits."
Crazy Arrow studied the signs as only a native to the Dakota Steppes could
do and, after several minutes of reflection, looked up to the lieutenant in
charge of the patrol and said: "Tracks still fresh, train go that-a-way!"
"Remember children, kitten in the left hand, skinning knife in the right."
The judges have published a couple of books containg these opening lines:
"It Was a Dark and Story Night" and "Son of Dark and Stormy Night."
Anyway, you can find hundreds of these submissions at the contest web site:
Truth be known, I don't really care who finds my jokes funny, there
are always a bunch who laugh and there will always be a tight-ass sour
puss looking for ANY excuse to make issues out of non-existent
problems. We have a very small handful of those anal PC idiots in this
group and I sure-as-hell am not telling jokes for their pleasure...
and "don't you call ME Wood-eye.." <G>
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