There is a guy in front of me at the grocery store check-out and in
front of him is a woman.
She puts on the belt: a single potato, a small container of milk, half
a carton of eggs,
3 slices of ham, a small handful of green beans, two crusty buns and
The guy in front of me says to her: "You're single, aren't you?"
She bats her eyes and says: "How did you guess?"
He replies: "Because you're rather ugly."
Someone with a sense of humor that relies on pointless derision of a person
for their appearance (rather than their character) is in no position to
lecture anyone else on what is or isn't funny. What's next, you gonna tell
a joke about laughing at someone in a wheelchair?
One night, I was having a few pints in The Jolly Miller (Hog's Hollow,
Toronto) and struck up a conversation with a guy on a barstool next to
me. We talked about cars, sports, weather...and scotch.
At one point, I looked over to say something to him and he had fallen
off his barstool.
He was mumbling and I tried to help him up. But every time, when I
thought I had him back on his feet, he fell down again.
Finally, I told Stu, the bartender to call the guy a cab. I carried
him downstairs to the sidewalk and when the cab showed up, I had to
look in the guys wallet to get his address... I figured, I'll go with
him, and drop him off... it wasn't very far.
When I dragged him to the front porch, I rang the doorbell and his
wife opened the door.
She took one look at her hubby, and thanked me for dropping him off;
taking care of him.
She wanted to pay me for the cab, something I refused.
As I walked off the porch, she asked: "where did you leave his
Oooooo tough guy... punching people in fictitious fables...
Oooo That would hurt, getting punched in the fables
But, he also claims heroically, that he would normally attack someone from
REAL hero !!
When I was younger, walking through a plaza parking lot, I saw a beatiful
blonde chic sitting in a car, obviously waiting for somebody with the window
open. I couldn't resist this one so I struck up a conversation and easily
got a date, for that night with her.
I picked her up at seven o'clock, as arranged, and much to my surprise, when
I got to the door, she was in a wheelchair, permanantly disabled, from an
accident. I didn't want to show any alarm so I figured I would just take her
for a quick burger and dump her home.
After the burger, on the way she home she instructed me to go down an old
dirt road, and stop by a large old tree by the side of the road...asked my
if I wanted some sex!!! Well !
She explained that if I lifted her up she could hold the lower branch and
have a good time with her, which..of course most males would titilate at.
I took her home and her father cornered me with a right out, blunt question
"Did you get a piece of ass?"
"GEEESH!!!!". I told him that was private but asked him why the invading
"Well the last guy left her hanging in a tree!"
Jumping in where I wasn't invited ...
A guy lost an eye in an accident. He became a recluse out of
self-consciousness. A friend persuaded him to get an artificial eye,
and with reluctance to agreed to go to a dance.
Upon arrival he stood in the shadow by a wall. After a while he saw a
lady sitting alone. Looking closer, he saw the reason she wasn't
dancing - she had an artificial leg.
He thought to himself, "Well, maybe she'd dance with me." Screwing up
his courage, he walked over and asked if she would like to dance.
She looked up at him with a big smile, and said, "Would I! Would I!"
So he pointed back at her and said, "Peg leg! Peg leg!"
The wheelchair had very little suspension on it.
When I was younger, walking through a plaza parking lot, I saw a
beatiful blonde chic sitting in a car, obviously waiting for
somebody with the window open. I couldn't resist this one so I
struck up a conversation and easily got a date, for that night with
Did you say "mean spirited", Bill? Y'mean Toy is now a fellow
Republican, like his buddy, Sarah Palin?
To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.
-- J. K. Rowling
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