OT. Clever and Fun

Found this in another NG Thought it might tickle a couple of funny bones Regards John

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website just before Xmas by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour and maybe too much time on his/her hands. Read the disclaimer at the end too!

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In

order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill

out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions

is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products

that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Your details

[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: ...............................................

Initial: ........

Last Name........................................

Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)

Code Name: ................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ............

1. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

1. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):...... /... /.... /.....

2. Serial Number: .......................................

1. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

1. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas

product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

1. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced

your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

1. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

1. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to

purchase in the near future:

[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

1. How would you describe yourself or your organization?

(Indicate all that apply):

[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

1. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque

1. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

1. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the

interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on

a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your

answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas

serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive

mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist

groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered

to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?

Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,

Marketing Department Military,

Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual

addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is

confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with

low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.

If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or

copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly)

and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word "absquatulation" has been used in its correct

context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal

or grammatical use and may be ignored.

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although

the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to

learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning

backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by

pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you

can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this

email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a

warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours.