John's gloating post about a project REQUIRING a new tool purchase gave me
an idea. Since my strange and estranged wife of 14 years is divorcing me
and since she ran away in a psycho-panic (she absolutely and literally did
run away in a psycho-panic when she went nuts in the schoolyard and
assaulted a kid. I caught her and took her to her shrink and that afternoon
she was gone and I didn't hear from her for three days), and since she has a
separation agreement that requires us to share equally the costs of
preparing the house for sale, it's a good time to do some preparing for sale
that absolutely requires me to get a new table saw and the mandatory
accessories. She will have to pay half and I will also bill her for my
I got me a shark who wants to put her on the stand and make her go into one
of her "states". He could do it easily because her psychological balance is
Anybody out there ever have experience with what the shrinks call
"Borderline Personality Disorder"?
Actually, I would never allow the attorney to do that to her. In fact, I
only had an hour consult with the guy and that's just the way he struck me.
I am not even going to have an attorney but try to negotiate an amicable
settlement. I will, in fact, give her more than she is entitled to,
especially if she agrees to some minor concessions on her part that will
cost her nothing.
So when you made the comment,
"I got me a shark who wants to put her on the stand and make her go into one
of her "states". He could do it easily because her psychological balance is
Did you just make that part up or are you a compulsive liar. I wonder which
one of the two of you has the real reality problem.
Don't count on your "shark"s ability to predict or control the behavior of a
mentally unstable person. If this goes the way such plans usually go,
she'll sit there on the stand cool, calm, and collected, and eat your shark
Reply to jclarke at ae tee tee global dot net
Actually, as I responded to another person, I am not even hiring this guy.
He is too aggressive ... maybe somebody else who is being really ripped
could use such a defense but I will not do it to her. I can't afford him
anyway - he's the costliest divorce attorney around these parts.
As for her breaking down, I really know her quite well (for thirty years
including the pre-nuptial days when she and I were students) and I know that
unless she's on some pretty potent anxiolytics, pushing the proper buttons
will create a mess... but I refuse to do it and have told her that on many
occasions. Unfortunately, refusal to trust, more accurately, an inability
to trust, is a characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder affected
I used a bit of hyperbole in opening this and I regret it. I really feel
empathy for her and I regret all the crap that she had to contend with in
her upbringing, previous marriage, and other relationships. Nevertheless,
her behavior has been utterly out of control and utterly abusive all too
often for me or her to continue. She may well be the kind of person for
whom marriage should be a no-no. She will get even more than she asks for
in settlement with me if she agrees to continue her therapy. Emotionally
for me, I can't afford to have her stop and revert to the raw Borderline
state. Who knows? A miracle could happen.
I think you have already showed your true colors with your initial post.
The cards have been played and changing the angle of your comments does not
erase what you first said.
You might consider running on the John Kerry ticket as VP.
If you're willing to settle for "multiple personality disorder",
A couple of things for you to consider:
You should assume that her attorney will read this thread - and
everything else you have posted or will post to newsgroups. It's
probably not in your best interest to say any more than you
You have experienced (or at least witnessed) human breakage in
one of its most tragic forms. It's entirely possible that the
damage was done long before you met her. It's almost certain that
she didn't choose to be broken - and any attempt of yours to hold
her responsible and/or punish her for that breakage may affect
the way you see that face in the mirror for the rest of your life.
Your compassion and senses of fairness and justice are under
test. You still have the rest of your life to live; and you will
find it beneficial to yourself to not bring about more damage
than has already been done. This other person in your life is as
worthy of your best now just as much as she was when you married.
True. Having had a similar family--not marital--experience (and an earlier
experience with a friend), I can attest to the fact that there is a great deal
of difficulty being the recipient of one-sided and unjustified abuse for years,
though. That one feature makes it particularly difficult to be fair and just to
the person who is tragically ill, but exceptionally abusive. The threats, the
name calling, little things like having a .357 Colt Python shoved halfway up
one nostril with a threat to pull the trigger, all tend to make one less
sanguine than would be fair.
It's a damned difficult position to be in.
"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen." Ambrose Bierce, The
Quite the way I feel. Even if one recognizes that the abuser is sick, it
doesn't remove the hurts. You may understand where they come from and why
but as far as being unscarred by it is concerned... no way can a person be.
Unless he/she is a saint.
I've been through all of it but the Python... there was a knife, though.
Look up "witch" in that same dictionary. It's revealing.
Well said, Morris. Thank you.
Doug Miller (alphageek-at-milmac-dot-com)
For a copy of my TrollFilter for NewsProxy/Nfilter,
send email to autoresponder at filterinfo-at-milmac-dot-com
You must use your REAL email address to get a response.
They seem to be related according to the diagnostic criteria I've read.
I have no interest in hiding anything from her attorney. She already knows
what she's dealing with.
It certainly was. There were a number of warning flags and showing of the
yellow card but... well, you know how love is....
An issue is the origin of BPD and when it appears. I've read a few books on
it lately in an attempt to understand what was happening and so many of the
etiologic characteristics were clearly in her childhood experience and in
her previous relationships with men. I sure as hell wish I had taken a
course in abnormal psychology but, at the time, I didn't believe that
psychology deserved the status of a "science". Only the hard sciences were
really sciences at all to my right brain dominant mind. I had a case of
I understand that. I wish she did. She blames herself for being BP instead
of the real culprits, a possible genetic predisposition to the behaviors and
the interaction of her genotype with an invalidating and, sometimes abusive
world. She is also a scientist (a better biologist than me - up to a point)
and she was in the same frame of mind vis-a-vis psychology and psychiatry
lacking scientific validity as I was.
Thanks. I think I have made it clear that the first post was an
unintentional troll. I hyperbolized and went on to new nadirs because ...
well, because I believe this was so unnecessary and so disruptive as I
prepare for retirement in 7 months. She will be treated more than fairly.
Just wish I can be as eloquent. Although it's a tragic situation and
your compassion is commendable. I would definately get a lawyer.
Whatever you agree to now on paper without protecting yourself for the
future is not very wise. Without a good lawyer in the future she can
always contest what she agreed to now and claim she was not in proper
state of mind . Especially if she meets a guy who is a sleezebag and
wants quick money. You need to protect yourself for the future
period!!!!!! Nice Guy's always lose with Lawyers.
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