We've cracked it lads....

"A staggering 95 per cent find men with no DIY skills a turn-off. One in ten would DUMP them."

After 20+ years of putting up with me and my round tuits I think SWMBO would have something to say about the above statistics...

David

More populist clap-trap from that money grabbing parasite Murdick IOW...

They're way behind the times Dave, that sort of stuff was happening when I "was on the tools" way back in the 'year dot' ;-)

Tanner-'op

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember "The Medway Handyman" saying something like:

Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead wasn't based on nothing, you know.

Are you sure it wasn't 'Toolbag Ted from Teddington' - just seems to rime better?!

I believe you may be thinking of Two Ton Ted from Teddington, who drove the baker's van.

This is old stuff,women have always fell for blokes with big tools.

So is that you in the picture ? I thought you were slightly larger and smellier.. i.e. the Nicotine aftershave.

Yes its me, I'm the one on the left with the yellow top.

Nicotine aftershave is very attractive to 30% of the female population - its a niche market thing.

We've had this before of course, the first ads perpetrated by the rabid anti smoking fascists attempting to demonise smoking by trying to popularise the message that smokers smelt like an old ashtray. This of course was pre the 'passive smoking is instant death, it kills children & fluffy bunnies at 100 yards' bollox they use now.

I smoked for 40 years and required a heart bypass, don't do it folks, you know it makes sense. I still smoke a few, how ridiculous is that? NEVER EVER START TO SMOKE. Being one of 'the zipper club' 'aint funny.

So start knobbing some customers then.

Married ones with husbands who are out at work in the office and who are crap at DIY are a good start. Single mothers are also easy prey.

Adam

ARWadworth coughed up some electrons that declared:

Didn't Dave do a job at a brothel once? :->>

On the plus side, HMRC haven't worked out how to tax such payments in kind.

But if they do, it might make accountancy interesting...

Can't mate, I've given up sex for religious reasons...........

....... God made me ugly!

ARWadworth wrote in

Nicely done - wittiest thing I've read here in a long time. Point made without recourse to unnecessary aggression.

In message , Tim S writes

it could bring new meaning to "f*ck the Inland Revenue"

"The Medway Handyman" wrote in message news:HDVpk.43949$ snipped-for-privacy@text.news.virginmedia.com...

Nah, that was the pox which did that, you f*cked yourself up, don't go blaming God!...

I wonder if you can offset any gains against the wifes income?

Adam

geoff coughed up some electrons that declared:

And asking the nice looking lady HMRC clerk how she intends to fulfil your tax rebate

:_)

In message , Tim S writes

Drop yer knickers lass and prepare to receive my PAYE