A jolly night in the pub last night. My pal Marty?s lad was there, along with his dad. His old friend from uni joined us, having come ?home? as he calls South Yorkshire, for the Bank Holiday. He?s a sergeant in the police, and just doing his inspector?s exams. After quite a few glasses of Taylor?s Landlord his tongue was loosened enough to tell us old guys a few interesting tales. This one is either amusing or shocking, depending on how you feel about such matters. There?s a stately home with extensive gardens in the area where he works, and a city hospital. A bobby was called to the A & E Dept and came back with news of a possible crime involving two gardeners at the stately home, a man in his thirties and a teenage apprentice who was new to the job. The apprentice was strimming, and accidentally damaged the trunk of a fruit tree. The older man told him that if ?His Lordship? found out the boy would undoubtedly be dismissed, because the tree ?was one of ?His Lordship?s? favourites?. This happened in the morning, and nothing more was said until after lunch, when the older man approached the youth and said that if the latter would let him bum him he would somehow hide the damage to the tree. Eventually the youth agreed, and they both went to the visitors? toilets. Needing some form of lubrication the older man found a jar of some greasy product in the stores. Later at the hospital the younger man told the staff that he had eaten a very strong curry the night before. Staff could immediately see that this was not the cause of his injuries: they were much too severe. At that point the older man arrived, having spent some time trying to treat his injuries himself. Staff put two and two together and called the police. Just what the ?lubricant? was, the sergeant didn?t know. Although the youth had passed his sixteenth birthday the police are considering the coercion aspect, and also ABH.
Bill