OT: Dementia

[Chris]

Hi,

My siblings and I have been taking it in turns to look after our mum after she had a nasty fall recently. We're not expecting her to be up and about for another 12 weeks. Anyway, we siblings share our duties with our dad on a roughly equal basis. But something's definitely not right with the situation. We haven't noticed anything wrong mentally with mum and she's pretty easy to look after and keep an eye on. However, dad swears blind that she's got dementia and half the time doesn't know which day of the week it is and even who *he* is much of the time. But as I say, these disturbing reports only come from him; the rest of the family have not noticed anything amiss. We're wondering whether it could be *him* who has in fact got dementia, not her. He certainly has a terrible memory lately and hasn't been entirely well mentally for the last 2 years what with memory problems and depression associated with having to look after her whereas formerly they'd both been very active people (they're both 76). Can anyone confirm our suspicions from own personal experience of similar circumstances? Is it feasible he could be unjustly blaming her for his own severe memory shortcomings?

THanks.

[Richard]

hat does the GP think?

[Richard]

What

[Chris]

They won't tell us. We've had countless social services, doctors and nurses come and go; they've had loads of meetings between themselves but they're keeping their thoughts quiet for the time being at least. They've given nothing away.

[F]

Speak to the GP about your concerns and ask him/her to quietly check them both out when (s)he visits your mum next.

If you get the 'can't discuss - patient confidentiality' response explain you are passing on information and not requesting it.

[Richard]

You've already seen this?

[Dave Plowman (News)]

Test I heard of - assuming basic maths skills - is to start at 100 and subtract 7 at a time. Not writing it down or using a calculator, etc.

[tabbypurr]

Test both of them together. They're both much more likely to accept it that way.

NT

[Chris]

I'm afraid we're veering way off the original question here and I'd like an answer to that before taking steps to get a diagnosis. The crux of the matter at this point is, has anyone known a case where one spouse was so blind to his/her own severe memory loss that they blamed the *other* spouse (unjustly) for having dementia?

[tabbypurr]

I disagree, that is the answer. Test them, otherwise you're just guessing all over the place.

Of course people sometimes accuse others when they have problems themselves. You don't even know what that problem might be at this point, it's pointless guessing. There's nothing more to say.

NT

[Cursitor Doom]

Every sufferer of mental illness has a different level of self-awareness as to what degree they're impaired by it. Persons with schizophrenia for example have a very poor insight into their condition and blame everyone but themselves for the way they see the world. On the other hand, those who suffer from anxiety or depression typically have excellent self- awareness as to their condition. As for dementia, I would guess (and it is only a guess) it's one of those disorders where self-awareness would be on the poor side. If that be the case here, then I can see how it

*could* perhaps happen as stated. Maybe. But I have no first-hand knowledge of it from my own experience.

[Pamela]

On 14:53 27 Dec 2018, Chris [e-mail] wrote in news:q02p1i$dth$3 @dont-email.me:

Oh yes. I imagine it's quite frequent.

Another quite common situatuion is where an unrelated illness or severe stress reveals underlying dementia, which has been well-masked until then.

There's no simple diagnostic testing, especially in the early stages. It is done largely by elimination of other conditions.

You might find it useful to phone the Alzheimer's Society's helpline and talk through your situation or alternatively use their forum at:

[Peter Parry]

Quite possibly, also it is often easier for someone who visits intermittently to see the effects of the gradual changes dementia causes with than it is for someone with them all the time.

Yes, very likely.

[Tricky Dicky]

Apply for lasting power of attorney for health matters then the doctors do have to inform you just as they would any patient. You do of course have to get your parents agreement for the application.

As for the original question it does seem a reasonable theory however I have no experience of that possible situation that of only seeing my father succumb to dementia, not a pleasant experience.

Richard

[Bill Wright]

As it happens we have two friends, a German couple, who are in their eighties. He was diagnosed with mild dementia a few years ago. However he seems quite all right to me, for his age. She has always seemed very good mentally; clear memories, functions well, can still speak three languages, etc, but just lately she's started sniping at him for being forgetful, not making the coffee as per instructions, etc. We are beginning to wonder if she's losing it and it's coming out as blaming his dementia.

Bill

[harry]

Dementia takes many forms. You can be sure it will get worse and all will be apparent. Sometimes it can get really nasty. (Violence) So keep a close eye on the situation. One of them may attack the other.

[Chris Bartram]

From experience: intelligent people suffering dementia are very good at bluffing it, relying on notes etc. A family member successfully camoflagued it for some time.

Your GP or nurse will have a number of relatively simple tests that can act as indicators (eg; drawing 11:25 on a clock face is one i recall), so consult their GP surgery.

[tabbypurr]

google is a quicker easier way to find such tests.

[Terry Casey]

I've just been discussing this with my wife and she has come up with a couple of ideas that may be of use. Have you and your siblings thought of contacting your own GPs and requesting their advice.

The other is to contact a lawyer and ask their opinion - is there any way that the medical staff already involved could be forced to discuss the matter with you? If it isn't specifically excluded, could this be done, if necessary, under the Freedom of Information Act?

[Chris]

A straight answer for a change! Many thanks, Peter.