Modern locks are a pest

[Commander Kinsey]

My favourite (er if I was a burglar) is the PVC door with a 7 point lock. Simply kick in the centre of the door, smash it to pieces and walk through. Quieter than breaking glass.

[Commander Kinsey]

I did that on my conservatory. The original lock failed. I just put in a 1 point lock.

[Commander Kinsey]

I once saw a bloke in a council estate who was drunk. He was trying to get me to tell him which house was his as "they all look the same!" He wasn't amused when I asked whether his was the one with the sofa in the front garden or the smashed up TV.

[Xeno]

That proves you're not a tradesman.

[Commander Kinsey]

My problem is you have to unintuitively use the handle to lock the door. When I were a lad, the handle opened the door, and the key locked it. Seperate mechanisms.

[Commander Kinsey]

Do explain what you've done or seen done with a mouth.

[Commander Kinsey]

So how does your key manage to move 7 bolts?

[Xeno]

You've never heard that saying, common in tradie circles.

[Commander Kinsey]

How can it be made obvious?

If you turn a key and it doesn't move the insides, the key can snap without you having particularly strong fingers. Bring back these!

[Commander Kinsey]

Maintainance is for cars, not locks.

[Commander Kinsey]

No, what does it mean?

And wow, when I tried to google it, so many instructions including videos on how to pick locks. Including with a blowtorch!

[Commander Kinsey]

Same proportion on normal homes. But usually solid wood doors, or even aluminium. Same stupid locks though.

You don't live here.

Snob.

[Xeno]

Maintenance is for *any* mechanical contrivance.

[Commander Kinsey]

Only complicated ones. I don't expect to maintain a simple device. I oil the hinge if it squeaks, and that's it. In fact even with a car it only gets things it asks for. If the oil warning comes on, I add oil.

[Xeno]

You're doing damage long before you add the oil. Your pump is sucking air long before that light comes on and it is aerating the oil. Aerated oil becomes foamy and cannot maintain hydrodynamic lubrication. The bearings drop into boundary lubrication and will wear rather more rapidly. Modern engines, given they run very high bearing pressures, don't last long in this situation. Expect your engine to toss a leg out of bed at any time.

[Commander Kinsey]

You must have a really shit car. Mine has an electronic oil guage, and warns me if there's is insufficient oil in the spare area - the sump. If I wish, I can press a button and get it to show me exactly how full it is.

Even on shit cars, the light means it's not pumping well. If you stop as soon as that happens and add oil, you cannot possibly damage the engine. Do you seriously think they'd fit a warning light that tells you you're too late?

What about your fuel warning light? Does that come on when the tank is empty? Telling you what you now already know as your engine has stopped? Or perhaps it tells you when you have 40 miles left to go, so you can fill up. Use some f****ng common sense.

[Commander Kinsey]

£500 for 4 years sounds good to me. You morons that spend £20,000 on a car then sell it for £10,000 a few years later are the fools.

You are Rod Speed and I claim my £5.

[Commander Kinsey]

We saw it in the f****ng film you moron! 3 inches of the door remained securely attached to the frame all the way round! Are you f****ng blind?!? The handle was still there!

You really are stupid aren't you? The CENTRE of the door was broken. The lock type is irrelevant. The strength of the DOOR ITSELF is what matters.

[Commander Kinsey]

The point flew over the Aussie's head.

[Commander Kinsey]

Nope, look it up, it's a common problem.

I shouldn't have to. Traditional locks never needed caring for.