January 1, 2012 11:29am EST.
While everyone else was watching the ball drop in Times Square,
drinking, and partying, employees at Home Depot, Walmart, Dollar
General, Sears, and millions of other stores around America were
hustling to remove all the 100W incandescent bulbs from the store
shelves, while specially trained FBI agents with oozies stood outside
the doors of these stores to insure compliance. These underpaid store
employees sweated profusely in the race to get these most dangerous,
energy wasting light bulbs off the store shelves, and into locked and
guarded steel security vaults, where they will be escorted by armed
guards as they are hauled to the U.S. border to be shipped to foreign
countries for sale and consumer use.
These overworked store employees worked early into the morning for
their measly minimum wages, and were forced to work that late shift,
or lose their jobs. Most did not complain, since they knew they were
working to make America a better place and it was their patriotic duty
to their country. Officials estimate that of the stores that opened
on New Years morning, 97.624% of these illegal lightbulbs had been
removed off the shelves, while armed agents in civilian clothing
searched the stores looking for any remaining bulbs that may have been
hidden under displays, in restrooms, or in dark storage areas in the
rear of these stores.
So far, there have been no arrests or shootings reported. However,
many more stores will reopen their doors on Monday morning, and it is
at that time when Federal agents will have to insure 100% compliance
with the new ban on 75w, 100w, and larger incandescent light bulbs.
It is at this time, that these agents will have their fingers on the
triggers of their weapons and may have to use brute force against the
managers and employees of the stores who are not yet into compliance,
since these employees and employers have had the entire 24 hours of
New Years day to accomplish this task.
It's estimated that enforcement of this ban is going to cost the U.S.
Government 730 billion dollars of taxpayer money, and will consume
some 146 million barrels of oil to transport these agents to all
stores in the country.
Of course all of this will save energy use by the American consumer,
while increasing the income of medical professionals who treat eye
injuries, who will be busy dealing with the estimated 3,500% increase
in eye strain injuries. This does not take into account the millions
of persons who will become ill or lose their lives from ingestion of
mercury from broken compact florescent light bulbs.
We as Americans should praise our government for their persistence and
efforts in saving our valuable energy resources and the average $3.59
each and every one of us will save on our yearly electric bills.
Above all, the praise should most be rewarded to former president,
George W. Bush for creating this law.
Dong Wang - reporting