Stormin Mormon walked into the parts house.
"You goddamn jeezy hack. Hope you got your magic underpants
Chris recognized the voice. Of course, it could only be
Steve from Carolina Breeze. Steve was a bible thumper, and
never missed a chance to hassle Chris, who always took it
"Hey, why don't you accept Christ as your savior, and get
out of that damn cult? You're a total git Steve added."
Joe the counter man, looked up and saw the conflict about
to happen. Told Steve to STFU. well, Joey had been in
business since when AC meant open the window, and wasn't
taking any crap from anyone. Chris told Joe that it was OK.
Chris replied that he'd founded salvation, thanks for
worrying about me. He walked up to the counter, and asked
after the order he'd called in. Two start capacitors for
window air conditioners. Chris proceeded to pay for the
caps, using loose change.
Steve watched from the next "window" over, at the counter.
Laughed, and laughed. Steve was here to purchase two
condensing units for central AC, and was laughing at the
Behind the counter, Joe put down the phone. "Milligan,
again. Wants to sell us his latest software package. We
telling him, he's got to contact the store HQ. So, Steve,
what can I get you?".
On the way out of the building, Chris had to jump back. The
Daring Dufas had been practicing the curb jump. This time,
he managed to clear about 8 inches of air under his tires.
Better than last week when Dufas had been emaciated. But,
packing on some weight was good. Doof normally ran about 125
pounds, and stood nearly 5 foot 3. All the guys used to call
him to do crawl spaces. Only HVAC man who could fit in a 8 x
"Good one, Doof!" Chris called, and headed back to his
van. He set the capacitor on the floor next to the
whiskey bottle and used his cell phone to call
the liquor store. What a moment to run out of grog. Told em
he'd be there in a couple minutes, and meet me at the back
Just about that moment, Steve from Noon Air drove in,
driving his old beat up Yugo which he only drove for
religious reasons. You could tell by the look on his face,
that he was on crack. A closer look, and you could tell he
had gotten some wicked ass speedball or something. Man, that
guy was really hopped up. Even the peace sign hanging from
the rear view miror looked messed up, today.
In the Yugo, the news and weather was on. The guy on the
radio was saying how the DEA was shutting down pot fields
all over the state. Steve rolled down the window and
hollered in no particular direction "Stormy, you effing
hack! They are burning your effing pot fields out, hope you
go into dee cees and have a fit and die!" Unfortunately,
Steve knocked over his last nickel bag of weed into the
carpet of the Yugo. "And I hate smoking that vacuum cleaner
shit!" The last time, he'd used his shop vac to clean the
weed out of the carpet, and smoked what was in the vacuum
Stormy finally manages to focuss his eyes, about half way.
Floors the gas. On the way out of the parking lot, runs over
the _____________ and then a ___________ jumps out of the
way of his rusty van that's wobbling down the road.