I broke my last coping saw blade about 2 months ago, and finally got around
to ordering replacements. They showed up a little after Thanksgiving, but by
then, I had already misplaced the saw. Yesterday, the saw popped up, still
minus its blade of course, in (of all places) the saws and blades drawer. So
where do you suppose the package of replacement blades are? I know I saw
them a few times in the past weeks while looking for something else, might
even have moved them aside to make space for something. Any of you guys seen
my saw blades?
I have to keep my mind on a stout chain to prevent me losing it.
Unfortunately I can't find the other end of the chain I think it was
swallowed by a polka-dot wooden duck named Ida which flew south for the
winter and then went into business selling moonbeams to penguins who need
them in the manufacture of transient saw blades, glasses, wrenches and
interdimensional key rings oops it wasn't a polka duck it was a poltergoose
There, that explains everything.
To never lose anything ever again, tie EVERYTHING to a piece of string but
keep hold of the other end and don't let a goose get hold of it and don't be
persuaded to let go for anything or anybody. Colour code every string
differently. Simple practical and effective.
Yup. Same here, but I did find some clues. Anyway, not to worry. Speaking of
the doghouse, though, when I asked if there was anything special She wanted
for Xmas, She said, "A jigsaw." Is that a trap, or what? So I went out of my
way and got Her some spare blades as stocking stuffers, too. (The need for
coping saw blades becomes less urgent in less than week now.)
Usually, an Old One must be invoked into appearance by reading certain
shunned passages of the forbidden Necronomicon by the guttering. baleful
light of a candle made from the fat of an executed highwayman within a
circle, exactly nine feet in diameter. drawn with a crayon made from the
unspilled blood of a virgin bound with grave dirt and some sticky white stuff
stolen from a stud farm by a tongueless Arab.
Can't measure the circle. Can't find the tape measure.
The damned book was in the shoe box with all the other instruction manuals -
router, washing machine, satellite TV remote, breadmaker... Frankenstein's
anatomy course.. the winemaking kit...
Can I find the accursed tome?
NOBODY has seen it, touched it, moved, borrowed, read or returned it to the
public library. The same nobody that polished off my last half of good single
malt that I was saving, along with the tin of Devon custard that was on the
shelf two days ago but nobody has used so I had to eat my avocado crumble
So - no instructions..
Maybe I can just make it up as i go along.. don't see any problem with that.
O.K. who's got the matches?
They were on here a minute ago. Next to the crayon..
I'll use a biro until the crayon turns up..
I'll light the candle with my trusty zippo.. which is in the top drawer in
the garage workbench..
Soddit, I'll use the electric fire and a folded length of paper.
Sorry, I had to go and get the blister ointment.
and a bucket of water.... good job the carpet was rolled back.
The candle's burning nicely.. well, _balefully_. Now how does that thing go?
"La! Cthulhu Baroda Nikto!!.."
"Fh'tagn Yuupee'Ess deliverit! Ad Hominem!!"
Draw the circle on the floor..
"Nachos nauseus cheesibit. Cadcam renderit! T'chock bah flavorit
That's about nine feet..
I think I've got it now
"Pingu mglw'nafh Cthulhu O'Reilly waggonhog fhnart"
Ahh _there's_ the book.. damn, it's outside the circle and I'm inside it..
I'm sure it won't hurt to sneak out and get it..
Oh.. that's what I should have said.. never mind. It sort of sounds a bit
similar.. sort of..
The candle's dimming.. it's
.. going out..
and it's dark
the room smells of sulfur.. the floor seems to be leaning at a crazy angle..
it doesn't feel like a floor.. it's a wall, and I'm leaning on it.. no, it's
a floor.. it's tosssing about like a raftin a storm..
I can hear them.. the scratching in the walls..
the distant, far-away howling.. getting closer..
The door is rattling.. I can hear the wood creaking
the hinges are straining..
..the wood's beginning to splinter...they're coming..
They're with my shop flashlight, which has been AWOL since last
spring. My metric allen wrench set disappeared for several months so I
bought a new set. The next day the old ones appeared under the seat of
my scooter. A miracle. Now have two sets to lose.
Nahh, it's a brief transition to an alternate universe. One time I
went to get a stamp. I knew they were in the center console to the
car, which was a rectangular box with no nooks or crannies. Opened it
up and there were no stamps there. The next day I checked it in
daylight. Still no stamps. Got a new roll of stamps next time I went
to the post office, went to toss them into the center console and by
golly _now_ there was a roll of stamps in there.
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