OT: Humor

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I thought this was worth breaking my habit of not starting OT threads. YMMV:
A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay away from those," she said. "They're for after the funeral."
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On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:47:43 -0600, Tim Daneliuk

SEE! Now that was a good joke. Discuss something woodworking now and we'll all live in harmony.
No attack, no recrimination.
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snipped-for-privacy@teksavvy.com wrote:

An Irish WWer walks into a Chicago bar and says,
"Do ya have any Irish whiskey in this place? I'm from Ireland working on a construction project here and I'm homesick."
The barman says, "Why yes, we have Jamesons."
The Irishman says, "I'll take 'tree shots if you please."
The barman obliges, Paddy drinks up, and leaves.
For a month, Paddy comes in for his "'tree shots".
One day, the barman says, "You know, here in Chicago we can legally pour triples - you don't have to order three individual drinks."
"I know", says Paddy, "But I miss me family. So, I have one fer me, one for me brudder Sean, and one fer me brudder Shamus."
The barman is so moved, he pays for that night's drinks.
Months go by following the exact same pattern. One night, Paddy walks in and says "Could ya pour me *two* shots of the Irish?"
The barman in a very sad tone says, "I'm so sorry, something happened to one of your brothers?"
"Naw". says Paddy, "All that whiskey was making me shaky and interferin' with me cabinet work, so I'm off the liquor ...."
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim Daneliuk snipped-for-privacy@tundraware.com
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On Nov 11, 12:11 pm, snipped-for-privacy@teksavvy.com wrote:

A classic:
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland"
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"
The first guy says, "So am I and where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I.
And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & begora it's a small world, so did I.! So did I.
And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight".
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
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wrote:

A classic:
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland"
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"
The first guy says, "So am I and where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I.
And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & begora it's a small world, so did I.! So did I.
And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight".
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
--------------
Three points for that one : )
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Beethoven was so deaf, every time he played the piano, he thought he was painting.
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snipped-for-privacy@teksavvy.com wrote:

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar.
The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
"Y'know," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called MacTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
"Really?" said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister.
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+1!
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RE: Subject
First time I heard those kicked the slats out of the cradle.
Lew
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So, who did Noah team you up with?
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I was driving home the other day and rear ended the car in front of me. My fault. We both pulled our cars off the road and got out to exchange insurance details. I got a real shock when he got out of his car, - he was a dwarf. He stormed over to me, stood there with hands on his hips, looked up and said in a very loud and angry voice, "I AM NOT HAPPY." "Fair enough," I replied, "which one are you then?" ......... and that's when the fight started
diggerop
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wrote:

Damn you diggerop. You get your nasty butt over to my place right now and clean off my monitor. :)
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With his nasty butt?????
B.
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On Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:39:29 -0500, "Buddy Matlosz"

Well... only if it's a clean nasty butt.
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A lesbian, a rabbi, and a frog walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up at them and says,
"What is this? A joke?"
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Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey, buddy, what's with the long face?"
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wrote:

Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey, buddy, what's with the long face?"
A rope walks into a bar, is told that his kind isn't served there.
Goes outside, throws himself down on the ground, rolls all over the place, twists and turns gets all scractched up and is in a general state of dishevelment.
Walks back into the bar, bartender asks "aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?"
Rope says 'fraid not.
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Cher walks into a bar...
John Kerry walks into a bar...
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Blind man walks into a bar Ouch!
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There's a fellow at work who is QUITE tall. One room where old files are stored has a pipe running across it at about 6'4".
Somebody taped a sign to it that says in BIG letters: "Roy, DUCK!"
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