OT-Bread

Page 2 of 2  

wrote:

In American life there can be no greater insult.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

<snip of hilarious shtuph.>
You owe me a monitor cleaning!
--
Nahmie
The first myth of management is that management exists.
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
On Thu, 20 May 2004 23:28:46 -0400, "Norman D. Crow"

Which means I still don't get to read it.
My silly bloody ISP thinks that 97% of posts is good enough for anyone, and anyway they don't read UseNet, so WTF cares :(
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Well, I guess we could just throw you a *pity party*, but how about I cut'n'paste so you can see the whole thing?(Actually, I already saved it as a .doc)
BREAD
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole rations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, with complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Remember ~ Bread is just raw toast.
--
Nahmie
The first myth of management is that management exists.
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
"Man does not live by bread alone, gotta have some toast. And the best things in life really cost the most." --Biff Rose
--
To e-mail, replace "bucketofspam" with "dleegordon"



Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Woman who used to cook at our county jail had a different theory. She noticed that the state menu mandated vegetables generally came back to the garbage can. She was convinced that criminality was linked to not eating vegetables.

SNIP
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
"George" wrote in message

It could also be that cheap toilet paper they use in jails. According to google (so it's gotta be true) it's a statistical fact that the higher the grade of toilet paper used, the whiter the collar of the criminal.
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 5/15/04
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

We may be confusing cause and effect here. And who noticed that "Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests" is technically incorrect? It should read "below the median."
Bob
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

the
Mean, median, average ... machs nicht ... what you make on the bread, you lose on the toilet paper.
... or was that banana's and grapes?
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 5/15/04
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

The "median" is an average. Like most, I guess that you read "average" to indicate "mean", but there are many averages incliding mean, median, mode, etc. For purposes of this "study" the use of "average" to indicate "median" got across the intended obfuscation. (whew! that was too many quotation marks) Dave Hall
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Median: The middle value in a distribution, above and below which lie an equal number of values.
Mean: syn. for average
dave
David Hall wrote:

Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

It is with inordiante pride that I accept one of Dave's most meaningful contributions to this group. Thank you, sir.
Bob
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

That SHB "inordinate." Blush.
Bob
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
:) [blushing...]
dave
Bob Schmall wrote:

Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

to
the
Dave: See BAD's post below.
Bob
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

The way standardized tests are designed, the two should be the same, if I'm not mistaken.
John
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

the
eating
That's because the criminals with the REALLY bad toilet paper are using their once-white collars to.... eeeww, never mind.
The post is a reworking of 'The Dread Tomato Addiction, by Mark Clifton, from the February 1958 issue of *Astounding* Science Fiction Magazine (now *Analog*). It's reprinted in the *Analog Anthology #1,* Stanley Schmidt, ed. Dad kept a mimeographed copy of it from as far back as I can remember.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
Often reworked by "Dr Dean Edell" on carrot eaters and carcinoma.

remember.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

<Snippage of funny stuff>

Too bad more folks don't study Plato. http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/euthydemus.html We could nip this stuff in the bud!
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Related Threads

    HomeOwnersHub.com is a website for homeowners and building and maintenance pros. It is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.