The girlfriend wanted a new carpet for he son's bedroom. She was going to go to John's Carpets, a shop owned by my friend. I pointed out that he had moved premises since she last bought a carpet and I was told "I know where the shop is I am not stupid"
Can anyone guess what she asked me at 10.30am this morning when she was parked outside John's old shop?
Did it involve a bacon sarnie, a satnav and a BJ?
Owain
Did it involve a bacon sarnie, a satnav and a BJ?
Owain
She (as women do) turned it around and said... "see I was right and just to prove he had moved I checked the old shop"
"Fuck the carpet, let's shag."
In article , ARWadsworth writes
Are you going to tell those tw'ts on uk.d-i-y that I've f'ckd up again?
"I'm not going to your mate John's again, he's not there!"
JGH
In article , ARWadsworth writes
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"
Guess who had to put the batteries in.
"Why didn't you tell me John had moved?"
Pretty close. Of couse it was my fault!
And John was pretty good. He knocked her 50% off the price of the carpet and offered to fit it for free (I have passed a fair bit of business his way over the last few months).
Mind you I like John. He went self employed after getting sacked for laying a carpet over a woman's knickers.
I just have to ask. Was she still wearing them?
Well at least they didn't get carpet burns, just concrete or wood burns instead.....
So I presume the woman who got "serviced" by John put in a complaint that her knickers were missing then?
Stephen
P.S. at least the woman got laid for free before her carpet was laid...... :-)
Phone rings:
"I am on my way to you, but I am lost" "Ok...." "So I want you to tell me how to get to you" "Well that depends on where you are.." "I'm LOST that means I don't know WHERE I am.." "Yes but I cant tell you which way to go unless I know where you are ..like are there any signs you can see?" "MEN!"
disconnect..
Women can't seem to answer a question without answering a different question instead.
Her (holding phone): X needs directions here. Me (picking up map): Ok, where are they? Her: They're on the phone.
No, that's the answer to "how are they talking to you?", not "where are they?"
or: Me: "When are you going (to work), I have to go to work and the builders haven't arrived yet" Her: "Leave the door open"
WTF? Just answer the b***y question so that I can make a decision!!!! It's this thing called a "Con Ver Sa Tion".
JGH
Shag carpet?
No. She had paid for the carpet fitting in an empty room. She actually left the bed and knicker drawer in the room. John had to move them to fit the carpet. He decided to spread the contents of the knicker drawer on the floor before fitting the carpet.
Mate, it's always the bloke's fault.
I vaguely recall a tale involving a young stroppy lady's knickers and a bit of lihting cabling... :)
Agreed, drives me up the wall.
What time are you going out? I'm going to the hairdressers. I know that. What time? To have my hair done. Obviously but what time are you going? It's ages since I had it done.
Tell me where the shop is or I won't return your letter T?
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