Forewarded to me by a friend. I thought it well-written and silly enough to not offend - but feel free to re-aim it at the politician/network of your choice...
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Study of Physical Science finally pays off..
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity of concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
-- Morris Dovey DeSoto Solar DeSoto, Iowa USA