Forewarded to me by a friend. I thought it well-written and silly
enough to not offend - but feel free to re-aim it at the
politician/network of your choice...
Study of Physical Science finally pays off..
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion
of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads
some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity of concentration. This hypothetical quantity
is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an
element which radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit
as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many
DeSoto, Iowa USA