I have recently discovered there is a plot afoot to undermine the efforts of the
Handyman Club of
America to provide the most tacky gift as temptation to convince you to send
I would even go so far as to suggest the subversion is being planned and carried
out by the Cabal,
except that it would take a much more clever person than I to string together
evidence that implicates the Cabal. The Cabal is much too sophisticated to be
discovered by anybody
less brilliant than say Hercule Pirot or perhaps Miss Marple. The Cabal is so
subtle that we all
know that there is no Cabal.
But I have proof that some sort of plot is afoot. Proof follows shortly, but I
must digress for a
I came home this afternoon after the local WW club meeting and casually stopped
at my mailbox.
Inside was a small package, tastefully decorated in the bright orange used in
the most recent HCoA
mass mailing, which generously added to my supply of glue spreaders by sending
me a cream colored
drill bit size gauge this time. I think I have 42 black ones, and now a cream
one. An omen?
It was with some surprise that I realized THIS brilliant orange package was
about half again the
size of cassette tape box, as opposed to the 3 foot by 4 foot brilliant orange
package HCoA recently
Well, sir, I must tell you I almost wet myself in anticipation of a gen-u-wine
HCoA drill bit to go
with all those glue spreaders, errrr.., drill bit gauges they have sent me over
the years. In wild
excitement I shredded the package getting it open. Inside, yes, inside, I found
a folding rule made
of brilliant orange plastic almost 1/32 inch thick and about as limber as my
timber after spending a
long, passionate weekend with Zelda the swamp nymph, but I again digress.
In awe at this high precision gift, I lovingly admired it and to my
astonishment, discovered it was
adorned with the Vonage name and logo!! Examining the shredded packaging
further documented that
this was sent by Vonage. I immediately realized that something was up. Who
would try to be more
tacky than the HCoA??
And then it struck me! A plot was afoot! You see, when I unfolded those three
pieces of the rule,
they measured exactly 12 inches, so obviously it was a foot.