When I was young and tall and straight and - thin (and this was not so long ago) I could look south beyond my belt And down there see my wiggly toe
Both of them in fact A pair Of wiggly piggly toes And all the top part of my feets That were not hid by clothes
Some time back I came to notice My feets were gone My toes (and scrotus)
Hid beyond a vast horizon That had expanded as I'd wisened
(my wife insists I've merely widened)
(sigh)
The other day when in the shop I bent to grab a tool I'd dropped As I bent down my buttons popped That once held up my jeans
I swore at Messrs Coats and Clark Whose thread won't keep a button parked My arse exposed An so my tenders
(make a note to buy suspenders)
Lest you be oercome by mirth At my tale of expanding girth You must consider what it's worth To keep your body slim
Should I live on naught but greens At just the time I've got the means To buy myself a decent steak The very thought My heart doth break
No more beer nights with the boys (eating s*it called "Healthy Choice") And all that frigging Atkins noise What's a man to do
I'll tell you that I've got a plan To conquer my expanding span A compromise Some give and take
I'll only eat when I'm awake
Thomas J. Watson - Cabinetmaker (ret.) (Real Email is tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet)