Xmas DIY

You could try and take the mickey out of the health and safety directorate and how they would try and regulate Santa and his trip to your house. You know, hazard analysis, warning signs, not leaving anything about Santa might stumble on etc. Or maybe bring the planning people in for a swipe.

Andy.

Not exactly spoof, but:

Remember ladder safety when climbing a tree to retrieve holly & ivy Make sure your external mains powerd xmas lights are on a RCD

sure there must be more...

To make landing his sleigh easier. Take the glace cherries from the cake/pudding and place them down the middle of the street like 'cats eyes'

arthur

Won't he burn his arse on the stove?

The message from John Rumm contains these words:

Don't take the battery out of the smoke alarm to make the new toy/TV remote work.

Have you asked the editor if that is what is wanted? If I were the editor I would be hoping for something along the lines of how to fix a Christmas tree securely, how to get the tree lights working, how safely to put up decorations, etc.

Colin Bignell

How about 'get a life'?

|> I write a regular 'Handyman Hints' column for a local magazine. They want |> the December one to have an Xmas theme. |>

|> I thought of doing a spoof article e.g. make sure the chimney is swept so |> Santa can get down OK, leave parking space for sleigh etc. |>

|> Any ideas on this theme? | |You could try and take the mickey out of the health and safety directorate |and how they would try and regulate Santa and his trip to your house. You |know, hazard analysis, warning signs, not leaving anything about Santa might |stumble on etc. Or maybe bring the planning people in for a swipe.

I for one would appreciate that article.

Yes. She loved it.

Yep - (all humour aside, good as it may be) I was thinking: how to make a good Christmas tree holder. (preferably one that would hold water and is easily topped up.)

On the other hand, Andy Mann: how can anyone make anything these days which will be cheaper than what you can buy in the Pound Shop, made in China, and often to "good enough" specs?

Good luck - sounds like a fun article in any case.

John

I would say where to buy house insurance for when the candles set the house on fire, how too get wax out of polished table tops, How to get the ruddy tree lights working again and where to get spare bulbs, and how to store all the decorations so they don't hang around for ages afterwards.

Alternatively how to join up with like minded mates for a Christmas in some isolated spot with a good hotel to avoid the rest of the family, would be welcome.

.. or better yet, don't buy decorations at all since they are either tat or overpriced tat.

.. that's the best idea. I would love to find such a place.

I think "Bah Humbug!" would have been more appropriate. You must be a barrel of fun in the festive season..

I'm sure some enterprising hotelier is offering such an arrangement. Xmas day is a nice time to go into London and have a Chinese in Soho, or an Indian in Southall

I normally head for North Africa, unless Ramadan happens to coincide with the Christmas holiday period.

Colin Bignell

Good thought......

Hints on rewiring the street lights to make a glide slope indicator for the sleigh?

And while you're at it, explain how a 600lb ruminant is capable of wingless flight

Stand back and wait to be sued by the mother of a five-year-old who lived near a motorway...:-)

Owain