Number 1 daughter gets married next week, so I'm writing my Father of the Bride speech.
Any good jokes? Clean if possible.
She's a paramedic in London, he's a policeman in Kent if that helps.
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11 years ago
TOT: Speech
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11 years ago
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11 years ago
If see keeps on landing on her feet like this, she will get brain damage.
I think of it less as losing a daughter, than losing a financial drain and a public embarassment.
My thanks go to the groom for taking her off my payroll.
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11 years ago
I'm sure he'll be using his trungeon to good effect and we'll soon have some little bobbies running round
Bill
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11 years ago
looking forward to lots of little firefighters so all the emergency services in the family?
the neighbours think Al Quaeda have invaded - did you all have to come in your work vehicles?
it's nice that my daughter got chased by someone who isn't a lawyer.
One night a husband and his wife were sleeping and suddenly the wife woke up. "Dear there's a burglar eating the cake downstairs!" Said the wife. "So should I call the police or the ambulance?" Said the husband
First Anniversary Driving home after working late the other day, a man was stopped by a police officer for speeding. He explained that he was rushing home to be with his wife on their first anniversary, which was the truth. However, instead of being let off with a warning, the officer said, "Congratulations!" and then proceeded to write out the ticket. As he handed it to the man, he said, "The first year is paper, right?"
Owain
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11 years ago
WIFE - Washing Ironing Food Etc.
Why do brides wear white? To match the other household appliances of course!
There once was a policeman from Clapham Junction Alas his penis would not function so for the rest of his life he mislead his wife with snot on the end of his truncheon...
Oh, you said clean... hmm more difficult!
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11 years ago
Like!
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11 years ago
Response targets may suffer a bit this afternoon - I'd like to thank Strathclyde who are providing the emergency cover so you can be here today.
People make jokes about policemen and handcuffs but you stand no chance against a paramedic armed with elastoplast.
It would be an interesting social experiment if you get each others' kitbags mixed up - spraying rioters with happy-gas. And I'm sure my daughter's been tempted to give uncooperative patients a squirt of CS occasionally.
I think of all the accidents and near-misses when I've been glad there's been a paramedic around. And I think of all the accidents and near-misses I was so glad there wasn't a policeman about.
It's no good shouting "first aider" today if you hurt yourself. You need to shout "sober first aider!".
Owain
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11 years ago
One that stuck in my mind was from Eric Morcombe's speach when his daughter got married...
"Haven't told the wife yet, but tonight I'm sleeping with a mother-in-law" (or something like that).
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11 years ago
So when they get down to it they'll be able to produce lots of little police medics.
Oh, sorry, they don't exist do they, despite the photographic evidence.
MBQ
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11 years ago
When the dress code said "court dress" we meant royal court, not magistrates'.
Owain
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11 years ago
Have a look at their horoscopes in the popular press. There's always some good hooks for gags in there - I've done this for several "Best Man" speeches.
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11 years ago
100 pages of 'wedding' jokes here...
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11 years ago
A professionally written speech will not cost much compared to the overall cost of the wedding. These people, for example, say the cost of the average speech would be about £125.
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are plenty of other speech writing services available.
Colin Bignell
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11 years ago
You missed your calling Owain :-)
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11 years ago
Eyethenkewe.
Add in some jokes about your daughter bandaging her dollies and you not knowing whether she was going to be a paramedic or an escapologist...
Difference between a paramedic and a policeman? Paramedics treat shots. Police shoot trots.
I thought my daughter was going to be an air hostess. I was looking forward to the drinks cabinet being stocked with in-flight miniatures. Then I thought my daughter was going to work on the perfume counter. I was looking forward to the bathroom cabinet being stocked with aftershaves. Then I thought my daughter was going to work in a bookshop. I was looking forward to reading all the latest releases. Instead my daughter became a paramedic. I've got a shed full of vomit bowls that won't even sell on ebay.
Owain