Turned up for a job this morning, flat in town, could I hang 4 large mirrors, 2 TV brackets & some towel rails etc.
Jean answered the door, plump woman in her late 40's. I followed her into the hall, which was painted deep red, with erotic pictures on the walls. We went into the kitchen, which had a large 'L' shaped seating unit.
"In case you hadn't realised, its a working flat luv. A brothel".
Very attractive girl (Katie) in jeans & sweatshirt was sitting in the kitchen drinking tea. Lovely girl, well spoken, intelligent, obviously well educated.
I started to hang the TV brackets, when the doorbell sounded. Jean said "stay in here for a minute luv, we have a client".
Jean ushered the client into the ground floor bedroom. I finished hanging the brackets. "Go & do the towel rails luv, Katie needs to change".
By the time I'd finished the towel rails, soap dishes, toilet roll holders etc, the client had gone, so I made a start on the two large (1m x 1m) mirrors in the ground floor bedroom. Battens on the plasterboard walls.
Jean arrived again. "Stay in here luv, Katie has another client, she will use the bedroom upstairs".
About 10 mins later, Katie entered the room, wearing an outfit that Ann Summers would have thought suggestive. Completely transparent top, G string the size of a postage stamp & fishnet stockings. Lovely girl. Very difficult to concentrate on hanging a batten level in these circumstances.
She reached around the door & removed a leather whip which was hanging on a hook and went back upstairs.
A few minutes later I heard it being used! Client obviously enjoyed it judging by his reaction!
Jean helped me hold the large mirrors while I fixed them. Client left.
Last job, fix another large mirror to the upstairs bedroom. Fixed the battens, wandered downstairs to ask Jean to help me hold the last mirror. "My back hurts luv, Katie will help you".
So, there I am, trying to hang a large mirror, being assisted by Katie, who is still wearing the Ann Summers outfit. How I managed to get the bloody thing hung properly I'll never know.
Finished the job, wrote out the bill, Jean paid in cash.
Katie said "do you want to spend the money now luv?"
I made my excuse's & left as they say.
It's an interesting life being a handyman!
(and no I didn't)