To be cold and hard about it, from many women's perspective many widowers may simply be looking for someone to cook their meals for them, wash and iron their clothes, and keep their house tidy, in the way to which they've become accustomed over many years of married life. As part of the traditional package, as it were.
While none of that may not actually apply in particular cases, they have no real way of finding this out until its all rather too late.
michael adams
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But not if you're french things are never that simple. If you can be in an argument and tell your husband to f*ck off and he says what about our kids you can then say they aren't even yours. Which mean you'd be unlikely to get custody or access, although I'm not sure regarding French law, but they do have that weird crime of passion thing.
It doesn't in my case. My late wife had Parkinson's disease (PD), and although it was not too far advanced, I used to do most of the shopping/cooking/housework/laundry etc (what's this 'ironing' thing?). There's a chap who lives a few doors down from me here who's PD is much more advanced, and it will get worse still in the next few years. One of the crumbs of comfort I hold on to is that my wife will never have to go through that.
Not in my case. My wife and I both did the house work. I know how to use a washing machine, but not really how to iron shirts. I keep a tidy house. Okay, the floor needs mopping and the windows do need cleaning. I sort of fell apart when my wife died, but I did not give up, as my mum did when dad died. My wife was The One and I don't want another one.
You've clearly been through a lot in the past four years losing two people very close to you, in succession. First your mother, and then your wife. If its any further crumb of comfort to you, to a dispassionate observer at least, you seem to be holding up fairly well, under the circumstances.
My observation above might of course not necessarily apply to widows. Who might actually miss having somebody around to cook for and generally look after, in addition to the company. Again not that this need necessarily apply in all cases.
michael adams
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On the other hand, some women may be looking for a man to put up shelves and escort them to the pub because they don't like going out on their own.
My downstairs neighbour asked me to plug her telly in for her as she'd always had a man to do that sort of thing for her (separated not widowed - she's in her 30s). She could understand that a freeview telly wouldn't work on a freesat dish.
I do wonder about some people.
Owain
I'm coping well enough. Life goes on, after all, even if it's not the life I would have preferred.
Apologies.
In retrospect, my comment above comes over as a bit patronising. Based as it is solely on your impeccable posts, which are in sharp contrast to some of the material which is posted on here.
I'll leave it at that.
michael adams
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Apologies? Absolutely none needed!
I embarked on the innocent task of tidying a drawer the other day. Big mistake.
Bill
Same here.
Bill
I wonder if such things are best done with the support of another, close or otherwise as long as they demonstrate empathy and compassion?
They have to 'get' that if you just put something back in the draw, however basic / simple, that's it, you shouldn't be expected to explain yourself.
My Mrs played that role for my Mum after Dad died and was able to help her provide a route to relocating stuff (keep (for now at least), family, sell, charity shop, dump).
When Mum was undecided or was becoming overwhelmed, the Mrs would get her to go and make a cuppa, get some food together or give her some other different / distraction task to give her a break / boost, a chance to gather herself.
In a few 'batches' over several weeks she had dealt with the majority of the things they were definitely not wanted / needed (like clothes / medical equipment etc).
Anything that could have been kept as a keepsake or even used by any of the family was left out for them to see and show an interest in. I was offered some of his pocket knives and his watch for example. BIL took some of his small wooden tool / screw draws for sister to store craft stuff in.
He was an amateur photographer and many of his large / framed portraits were offered to the subjects or their family.
None of the family wanted most of his photography or seafaring books so they were sold to dealers, as was most of his photographic equipment.
If my Mrs goes first she has very little for me to deal with. If I go first I know her second call after the 'Simple' funeral service (or someone to help her get me in the bin if allowed by then) will be to a house clearance / skip company. ;-)
Cheers, T i m
Yes.
Some things have to be done. Or should be done. I did what had to be done. My wife was gone - and that was it. Yes, I still find things and I still get upset.
Dunno. When my dad chose to move into a retirement village, he remarked that there were plenty of women there who clearly did want to shack up with another one. He did hang around with at least two for a while but appeared to have decided that there were too many downsides with both of those.
Mine absolutely wasn't, but I dont want another one either.
You were never very good at decision making were you? Wrong about most things in fact.
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