OT: a (delicate) question for hardened hikers

[NoSpam]

Aha! That search (blindingly obvious with hindsight) is what I needed. There seems to be a huge amount of stuff out there, including one that made me smile: "Boudreaux's Butt Paste"

[NoSpam]

> runner rower cyclist

I may regret asking this, but is the term "chamois" a euphemism? - somehow the idea of cyclists of lubricating a goat isn't a terribly pleasant one ;-)

[Tim]

Simple solution, fill the gap. ;-)

[NoSpam]

:-) I hate to think what led you to find that!

[fred]

So you have an accident, get carted off to hospital, the docter/nurse does a quick examination and discovers your arse is covered in Vaseline.

Do you think they'll believe your explanation ?

Paul Mc Cann

[Peter Parry]

No, Before the days of padded Lycra sports cyclists wore cycling shorts made from wool (it hid various stains well) and used a soft chamois leather patch in the crotch area to reduce chafing from the saddle. To maintain the softness of the chamois patch after washing it required treatment with oils or greases.

Modern Lyra shorts have special bacterial and fungi breeding grounds designed in so a separate patch is no longer required.

After 6 hours in the Lycra cyclist are quite likely to do a number of things to a goat, none of which it will probably appreciate.

[Man at B&Q]

Liposuction!

[Derek G.]

Asda sell small tubes of Hydrocortisone cream under the moniker of "Bite and Sting Cream" for less than £2.00 a pop. Good at reducing inflammation of the skin anywhere but shouldn't be used on tender areas, mucous membranes etc.

Derek G

[tony sayer]

Umm .. my first other half worked in a casualty dept what they found stuffed up peoples backsides would fill a supermarket;!!...

[Grimly Curmudgeon]

Or, "I can't believe it's not chafing."

[Grimly Curmudgeon]

Tesco Value?

[polygonum]

Some years ago, I worked in a hospital and regularly walked through the black museum. Most of the exhibits were bits of people - but on one side there was a small glass jar.

Seems someone had turned up at A&E with it stuck. Said he had been a bit squitty and placed it under in order to drive somewhere without dribbling. Then he drove over a bump in the road... Emergency operation. Jar sent to path lab. In time, a report was sent back to the surgery team, "We have to conclude that, as the label read 'Coleman's English Mustard', this was not a foreign object."

[NoSpam]

That has given me the best "laugh out loud" moment for quite a while. Thankyou! :-)

[Steve Firth]

polygonum wrote: [snip]

I can recall a couple of papers from the late 1970s, one was on the subject of penis injuries caused by misuse of the Hoover Dustette. The researcher measured the distance from the inlet to the fan blades. It was an inch or so longer than average penis length. The paper concluded that the "the novelty of the experience had driven the patients to greater lengths."

The other paper had the catchy title "Construction of a device to remove a baseball from the rectum". Written IIRC by A E Morgan.

[dave]

I came across (abs no pun intended, but :-) ) a TV prog the other week where some guy had something stuck up there. I think it was a bottle or something. He said he "had fallen on it". I felt sorry for him. Not only the embarrassment but, joking aside, such things can be extremely serious problems. Not only the removal but the after effects. As the rectum is in daily use, any lesions can be difficult to heal as constantly opened. The area is well supplied with nerves and blood vessels as we all know which kind of takes away from any sexual pleasure. Fissures and fistulae are most certainly not fun - not even in play!

On diy, how did that guy remove a baseball from the rectum? My guess is try and drill a hole (sigh) in it, and screw/thread the hole to pull it out.

[Steve Firth]

They constructed a frame incorporating a hydraulic jack and a corkscrew type of extractor. The screw was driven into the baseball and the frame rested on the victims hips to pull the ball out of the rectum. Sadly the baseball had obstructed blood flow in the rectum which had swelled and the device was unable to pull out the ball.

They operated under the table to expose the ball from the colon and use a combination of pulling with the machine and pushing with a T-bar to get it out. It sounded, as you stated, likely to be painful for a long time after the removal.

[NoSpam]

Since the discussion has taken an "rearward turn" this most probably will bring a smile:

[geoff]

Baseball bat shirly

[geoff]

Try athletes foot powder

no obnoxious perfume and contains starch which absorbs the moisture

[geoff]

Don't be a wimp give the woodpecker something to do