Great Job Opportunity - crap wood selector

[David W.E. Roberts]

Recruiting now at a DIY Superstore near you.

It has been noted that despite our best efforts some customers, through hours of patient searching, are managing to locate the occasional pieces of wood which are not completely warped, bowed and riddled with leaking and/or missing knots.

We are therefore searching for a truly talented and diligent individual who can locate supplies of the cheapest low grade timber available and upgrade the screening during manufacture to ensure that no finished boards are fit for use in any respectable home.

The willingness to walk on finished boards with dirty boots prior to display, notch, drop and otherwise mutilate them will be an additional advantage.

This is a truly outstanding opportunity for a skilled and well motivated individual.

CVs should be cut from tabloid newspaper and pasted onto cardboard and shoved under the door of the nearest B&Q or Homebase.

[ben]

Went to B&Q the other day, looked at a pile of wood. Someone at the distributor's had spraypainted `DIY stock' on the side of the pile.

`Hmmn,' thought I, as I went to the woodyard.

Ben.

[Nick Finnigan]

The straight pieces of wood seem to be marked Can Locate Supplies, but they don't match my walls and ceilings.

[parish]

ROFLMAO.

[David]

Quite agree! But IMO I think the reason they always have such a diabolical stock is because - as with fruit in the supermarket - the punters naturally cherrypick the decent stuff. But whereas in Sainsbury's the staff will hopefully remove the rotten, bruised stuff and replace it, that doesn't happen at B&Q and the same crappy bits of timber stay in the racks for evermore cos nobody has the nowse to shift it.

So I don't think it's that they buy in particularly bad stuff, they just don't bother checking their stock. Net effect to the punter is the same tho.

David

[Marcus]

Do not buy wood from the DIY sheds, go to your local timber yard/merchant, the wood will be twice the quality and half the price and almost certainly with a cheap cutting service also.

[David Hearn]

Know of any in the viscinity of Guildford?

Seems here, finding a proper retailer rather than a shed is impossible. Big brand names is all you get around here. For example, the small car parts place I used to use closed down, so I now only have Halfords to go to when I need a part quick and the car's out of service. Shame, because Halfords is much more expensive compared to the smaller shop.

D

yard/merchant,

[Andy Hall]

Although not the top of the pile, Jewsons have or can get quite good quality materials if you go to a TimberPlus or Sawmill branch.

There's one in Guildford in Walnut Tree Close (by the station) which is TimberPlus, and also one in Farnham with both.

If you are willing to look in the Blackwater valley, I believe that there are a few timber merchants if you take a look in Yellow Pages.

.andy

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[David W.E. Roberts]

Respectfully beg to disagree - the stuff right at the back in plastic wrappers was just as bad as the the unbundled single pieces at the front. Unless of course they have reached the point of minimal stock turnover because the racks are full of crap so no new stuff gets added. :-( Interesting to note that some wood was white and some was a nice honey colour from prolonged exposure to light - apart from the white bits behind the plastic straps. So they had been around for a while.

[Dave Plowman]

Travis Perkins have taken over all the yards round here, and their timber quality and prices are little better than the sheds.

[Dave Plowman]

Wonder if they're warped when they package them?

[<nightjar>]

If you specify joinery quality, you get much better wood, but you do pay for it.

Colin Bignell

[Toby Sleigh]

Champions Timber have a branch in Dorking, depending on which side of Guildford you might be within free delivery range.

Toby

[Christian McArdle]

I'm sure that's the problem with the plumbing fittings. Worst are the bath wastes. Every single bag has been split open and spare parts stolen, leaving maybe just a bit of overflow hose and a couple of washers. Yet I bet the cretins checking the shelves see the five bags the stock control allows and order no replacements. I wish they would package these things in boxes to stop this.

Christian.

[Dave Plowman]

Nothing will stop the phantom part stealer. Most feel they have a right to open *any* packaging to examine the contents anyway.

I wanted a box of 200 woodscrews. Just about every box in B&Q had been opened. I felt like filling one up from another...

[Snowman]

But how many of us actually complain about the poor quality and service at these places? As we have every right to. Whether out loud in the store or in writing to the managing director. Quite often people are prepared to just put up with shoddy service.

An assertiveness course I went on some years ago certainly helped - teaching various techniques for making your position clear. Although you should remember that assertiveness should NOT be confused with aggressiveness. With assertiveness you keep yourself under control, but make it clear what you expect.

Maybe if more people did object then things might improve. (Having said that, I do quite often just walk out of B&Q in exasperation!)

Peter.

[Gnube]

Yeah, it's getting pretty grim like that isn't it.

Take Care, Gnube {so, do YOU know anyone who won the Readers Digest Draw?}

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[Snowman]

Perhaps the local manager would not have enough clout - maybe you should write to the MD complaining about the local manager!

Peter.

[John]

I wanted some timber on a Sunday morning and went to my local B&Q. After looking at, and rejecting, the loose pieces I decided to start opening the multi packs. Along comes a spotty youth and TELLS me I cannot do that. My reply to him was "If B&Q started buying 'good wood' then I wouldn't have to. He stood watching me for a while and I said "If you want to bring the manager I will gladly speak to him or her". Needless to say I am still waiting and my dinner is getting cold!

I also sent an E Mail regarding the stickers they put on their wood, I can never get one off without it tearing and leaving an adhesive residue in the wood, and a need for subsequent sanding etc. Can they not use plastic stickers instead of the paper ones which would solve the problem? I am still waiting for a reply to that aswell.

On the subject of parts robbing I bought a self cutting tap and when I came to fit it one of the preformed washers was missing. I found a small hole in the bag where some toerag had taken it out from. So I had to wait until the following week to return it, shop closed at 8.30 PM, and my job had to wait.

Tossers

John

[Peter Ashby]

A while ago I was in a Jewsons and bought a can of expanding foam sealant, discovered at the checkout it didn't have its little piece of plastic straw. The checkout girl went with me to the shelf, picked up a can with a straw, put the other one back and said, 'don't tell anyone!' I reckon they don't care and rely on traditional British reserve cutting in, you know people who won't complain and will just go back and buy another one.

Peter