Amusing instructions

[Huge]

From a dusk-to-dawn light sensor;

"Do not attempt to install during wet weather, if you are suffering from nausea or dizzy spells or if you are taking any medication with similar side effects."

[Bert Coules]

On a bamboo blind I just bought: "Sunset: roll down. Sunrise: roll up".

Incidentally, what happened to bamboo blinds? They used to be really widely available, but seemingly no longer.

[GB]

I remember cleaning instructions on a computer printer: "Do not immerse this printer in water."

[Andrew May]

Sign on fire escape on seventh floor of Thai hotel:

"This fire escape has been locked for your safety. In case of fire get key from reception"

[Graham.]

I have a digital scale that says: "If Product Contain Fluct Uation Please Regard Real Object As To Allow"

And a charger for a handheld transceiver which warns:

"Note: Prevent cooks meals or is injured, only battery assigns carry on the charge"

[pamela]

What could be clearer than these instructions on how to use a handheld fan?

[Dave Plowman (News)]

Best one I had was on a tape recorder instruction manual.

'For service in a country not listed, use the agent stamped on the backside'

[Brian Gaff]

Yes I know, lack of punctuation and illogically placed statements seems quite common in stuff imported from China.

I remember one particularly hilarious one on a light fitting in a market many years ago now. Take care when placing hand, as connection to power may be indicated as fatal.

Translation was, Take care when fitting the bulb in the holder in case its still switched on.

Still it probably had the desired effect due to the word Fatal being in bold. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Can harbour imported critters that might start a sudden epidemic of bamboo eating things perhaps? Mind you you still see cane furniture around. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Is that a website a jpg?? I cannot read jpgs. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Infinite monkey cage at it again. Brian

[GB]

It's an image. It shows nonsensical instructions for how to open and close a traditional fan.

[Brian Gaff]

Actually backside does seem to pop up a lot. If reception on the am's are bad, try moving loopstick on the backside. Pioneer vintage Tuner amp. Brian

[pamela]

The link is to a picture of some nonsense instructions.

[Bert Coules]

I did wonder if bamboo had suddenly become endangered. Possibly the global increase in the giant panda population is to blame.

[Scott]

I liked the safety warning that came with a digital camera:

WARNING - do not insert the data disk into an audio player then play at high volume using headphones as this may damage your hearing.

[Huge]

Many of these are (allegedly) prompted by people doing just that and then attempting to sue the manufacturer.

My ride-on lawnmower's manual reduced in size dramatically once I tore out all the pages with huge warnings on them about not inserting your hand into places containing hot, sharp, rapidly moving parts.

[Scott]

I have an alternative theory that there is a competition on the go, just as in some organisations everyone has to use a certain word in a managment briefing during the course of the week etc.

Surely inserting your hand into the manual for the purpose of tearing out pages was in itself a breach of safety rules :-)

[The Natural Philosopher]

These days I bite the bullet, either get the online version or scan the manuals, and edit them to a PDF with the junk removed.

No more 'WTF did I put the manual?' It's on me hard drive in a folder called 'manuals'

[Scott]

Another I liked was on Wasabi: "Excessive consumption may produce laxative effects."

Anyone familiar with Wasabi must surely agree that excessive consumption is highly unlikely.