----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2003 9:17 PM
Subject: YOU CAN NO LONGER CAULK YOUR WINDOWS
I am sorry to announce that the government is going to ban guns. That
means you can still buy caulk, but can not use a gun to install it.
You'll just have to learn to live with drafty windows, because guns
are banned. The same is true for staples. You can buy staples, but
can not use a staple gun, because guns are banned. You can buy paint
for your car, but you'll have to use a brush and roller to spread it,
because guns are banned and a paint gun IS A GUN. The next time your
wife does a Martha Stewart project, tell her to forget using the glue
gun, because guns are banned. And you know all those grease fittings
on your car, well, you'll have to find another way to grease them
besides your grease gun, because guns are banned. Do you own a nail
gun? If you do, toss it in the trash and grab a hammer, because guns
are banned. If you are like most modern Americans, you probably own a
screw gun, right? Well, contrary to what some people believe, screw
guns have nothing to do with sex. Just dont get caught using it,
because guns are banned.
If this upsets you, here is what you do. Gather all these guns
together, wrap them in a box, and send the box to Washington. Be sure
to attach a letter with the following words.
Dear Mr. President,
Because of the gun ban, I am surrendering all my guns.
Take the paint gun and paint your American flag black
Take the staple gun and staple your lips together.
Take the glue gun and glue your ass to a wall.
Take the nail gun and nail your shoes to the floor.
Take the caulking gun and caulk your asshole shut.
Take the screw gun and GET SCREWED.
But before you do, be sure to use the grease gun for proper