One might ask why you continue to respond to "one way" ** people? Just
learn how to politely blow them off.
** "one way" is a name some friends gave to someone we know. He will
never ever do anything for anyone but will never hesitate to ask
everyone to do stuff for him.
Good lord! I don't have a truck. I do have friends of my husbands who do
and Don pays them for the gas (actually over pays as these are 3.5 mile
round trips to local big box store and he passes them 10$ for gas). The
main one who helps us with truck time, also gets free help from Don to work
on their boat and various home projects. Technically if i were keeping
score, they are slightly behind but that's only because they needed help
putting in a new fence recently and it took 3 days.
Grin, I get great service from various contractors. Reason is simple. I'm
a dang good cook and I feed'em. I even do specialty dishes if any need (or
just desire) to avoid certain foods. Don's the same way. He'll get the
munchies and ask any workers (if we have any) what they'd like after
mentioning what was handy, then fix'em up a meal.
The last time the plummer was here (tub install) it was fried rice with
shrimp and vegetables. For the sunroom install team it was various things
from pulled BBQ pork, to home made pizza, to chicken adobo, or fresh made
*real* chicken stew/soup with home made dumplings. Fresh bread from the
breadmaker daily (Come'on guys, take the rest home and here's the baggies
and i'll make more tomorrow. What type would you like tomorrow? I got rye,
all white, part whole wheat, all whole wheat recipes and ingredients so let
me know before ya go and I'll do a timed bake so it's ready about 11am).
Oh the chimney repair team? One of'em only eats fish for his meat and the
other one won't touch it so we go salmon or tilapia (butter fried with
carmelized onions and green bell peppers) for the one and a pork, chicken,
or beef bit for the other (various dishes there but all simple and tasty).
They both love spinach, carrots, asparagus, green beans, and cabbage so the
side is easy. Hehe they time my cleaning jobs for when I'm home and at
My wife's late aunt (a missionary) used to say you're earning "crowns
I think it's harder to accept selfishness in people when you're a
selfless person, because you hope you would be a good influence on
others. But you don't know what kind of seeds you have planted in this
couple or in others by your being willing to give of your time and
efforts and talent. There's a cumulative effect here, and at some
point we can hope/pray that this couple will have that epiphany, that
"ah-hah!" moment when they see what others have done for them and what
they've refused to do for others.
Keep hope alive!
You know what the odd thing is, is I'm fairly handy (ought to be
obvious, as often people will see me on a Saturday morning underneath
some vehicle or other - when it's not raining at least) but I can't
remember any of my neighbors asking me to help them with anything around
the house. I'd be happy to help, at least until I start feeling used...
we all have to save money for stuff we CAN'T do ourselves these days...
replace "roosters" with "cox" to reply.
Well, sometimes the 'can't' is just 'heck, never used a hammer in my life'.
This came up this past weekend. We host the local neighborhood cookouts
because we have the best screened porch and a decent grill. Happens 2-3
times a month. Folks swap stories and just have a good time for 3-4 hours
then walk home.
One of our regulars brought along a new next door neighbor who's renting the
house of one of our other 'regulars' while he's in an overseas billet
(Navy). Turns out the back raised wood porch was going bad in just a few
spots. Lady renting has her husband out at sea and she'd never done more
than hang pictures. Sweet thing and not stupid, just hadn't ever had to
deal with it.
With all my repairs after my renters, I still have about 16 PT suitable
boards so we grabbed the 5 she said she thought she needed and walked down
(regular guy next to her had the tools). Took us 7 about 45 mins which
included trotting back for a 6th board as I didnt like the look of 2 stair
Grin, in fact it would have gone faster with fewer of us but we had fun
We emailed our friend who's renting out his house and told him it wasn't a
color match to the stain but it should hold and be safe for the newly
walking child the renters had. His response was a happy 'thank you guys!'
and a reminder to her to ask us if she runs into anything as we are apt to
be able to fix it.
She emailed back a small list today. It's easy stuff and she said she'd get
all the parts (needed help on a few of them on what to get) and bring a
whole pork loin to the next picnic for goodies. Grin, I like her ethics!
Sometimes, you win-win...
Right. I read a story about a single gal living in an apartment in New York.
She made friends with a single guy in the same building that had a tool kit.
Whenever she encountered a "honey-do," she'd invite him over for dinner. The
thought processes each went through could be summarized as:
She: "He's a miracle worker. He can put up a towel rack so it doesn't fall
down and all I have to do is throw another potato in the pot."
He: "For a couple of thirty-five cent bolts, I get a scrumptious
rack-of-lamb dinner prepared by a miracle worker!"
Then they had sex.
Worked out well for everybody concerned.
Follow-up. Don went over on one of the small ones today about noon because
it needed to be measured. Cracked doorbell. He pulled it out, measured
bolt width, and showed her exactly what to get. Since she needed to make a
quick run anyway to a grocery (next to the big box), she took him and they
got one that fits the old holes perfectly. He had it on in 5 mins and
showed her how to do that.
I know these simple things are easy for *us* here, but due to her upbringing
and her age (she's 19 on her own for the first time with husband deployed)
there many things she's just not done 'yet'.
Trade totally even BTW as Don needed a box of brads, some sandpaper and some
A1 for a marinade so the ride made it a perfect match.
Good thing it happened too as he noted the back seat driver side seatbelt
had a worn edge and shouldn't be used to put her kid's carrier or anyone in.
He only noted it because in Sasebo he used to check for such at his
auto-mechanic job and it was habit. The rip was not obvious to the eyes
being just under seat level but the belt was 50% severed somehow? It's also
an easy fix so he put the kid on the back passenger side which was fine and
told her what to get and to call him to replace it when she has the part
(Autoparts 2 miles away but other direction and no rush as other side is
Chuckle. So you have picked up a step-daughter for the next year.
Shame her mom and dad didn't teach her any basic household repairs
growing up. Sadly, even today, that is usually considered a 'guy' thing.
On my occasional visits back home, my mother and little sisters always
had a list of stuff to fix. I tried to teach my little sisters a few
basics, and I think a little of it actually did stick.
My dad would cuss the first time a screwdriver slipped off the screw,
throw the tool and be done with it. My mom built her own kitchen
cabinets, will millwork shop cutting wood for her. Put them up herself.
I was force-fed "Walt's Workshop" when I was a kid ... grrrr. Didn't
like it then, but love TOH, Fine Woodworking and just about anything I
don't know how to do. My hubby and I have had a lot of discussions
about brain vs. brawn - he has a lot more muscle, but I have to engineer
the heavy stuff (that I do when he isn't around because he wouldn't want
it done :o)
I was fascinated in grade school by the guys who washed windows of our
school, standing on the outside of the window-sill...seemed pretty close
to Superman stuff at the time because the windows were about 10' tall :o)
Grin, note she at least got good parental training in this!
Hehehe another 3 months but she seems a keeper sort of personality. Very
sweet 'kid' from my age aspect.
I don't really know her story other than some sketchy details (note, her
name is not listed deliberately). Middle income big city apartment type,
was delighted to live in first actual single dwelling house. Got the
impression it was 'call the apartment manager' all her life? She may have
been in places where 'self repair' was not allowed.
She strikes me as bright and willing to learn but with minimal skills as of
yet to find out 'how to do this'. Her emails make it clear she wants to
learn and her actions show she's no 'leech'. In fact, she just emailed an
offer to cut the grass for one of our more elderly (fixed income) folks if
they will watch the baby while she does it and after help show her how to
cut cork-wood to replace the stained contact paper in her cabinets.
It's a simple thing to *us* but they will have fun showing her how to
measure the pieces and not have to cut the yard that week for it. (She has
some oddly angled cabinets or wouldnt even ask that one as she's not *that*
Either way, I'm enjoying the exchanges in email as she enters our little
corner of the world.
I think I'd like your neighborhood. Not that mine is bad, mind you, but
seems like most places I've lived people either keep to themselves or
worse, go the opposite way and are way too nebby and you end up having
to push them away...
current neighborhood is friendly but kind of "keep to yourself" ish but
then again, I'm rarely home/outside during daylight, save for weekend
days when a) it's not raining and b) I'm not off working on the
Perpetual Project Car (need to bring it home one of these days...)
replace "roosters" with "cox" to reply.
Heheh we are a mix and match. About 1/2 want to play but we don't show up at
12pm to lunch each day!
We went 'current' with email and a little group and all are told to invite
new folks if they want in. It's not a listserv but a remember to hit 'reply
to all' sort of thing.
We setup the little picnics and such from email. 2-3 times a month in
APR-OCT timeframe. Pretty much 'it's at the following house (almost always
mine) and whatcha wanna bring this time if you want to come?
So, every 2-3 weeks we gather for a few hours and swap stories and food.
Cheap food I might add since we don't have porterhouse steak on the offing
when we all do this that often. Decent hotdogs and burgers or chicken tend
to be the norm.
I got a picnic table in the yard and one of the bigger ones (10ft) inside
the screened porch plus extra chairs so we tend to gather here. (44 ft x
13ft screened area). Result is I can host easier than most so we normally
do it here now that I am back again from Japan.
I think there are a lot of people who truly would offer help more but
don't have any confidence in their own ability...kind of "I'm no good"
thinking. People used to tell my mom she was artistic and creative, and
she would get irritated at that because she didn't think she knew how to
do anything that everyone else could do if they tried :o) I still have
a little bundle of newspaper clippings she started collecting as a
teenager - 1920's - all sorts of "how to" stuff....build a bird house,
order chicks to raise, etc.
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