In Illinois police or just about anyone can file request with the
Secretary of State (our DMV) to have a physically impaired driver
brought in for a retest.
In my late father's -who was physically impaired in his late 80's - case
what worked was my sister-in-law, a nurse, explaining that his
impairment (nerve damage to leg affecting his ability to react quickly)
could cause an accident that could cause horrendous
injuries/consequences to an INNOCENT family.
That did it. He voluntarily hung up the car keys and it was not an
issue. Before that, it was "oh, I can drive, I just have to be careful
and go a bit slower because it takes longer for me to switch from the
accelerator to the brake.
In his case, the mind was still clear and functioning like a 55-60 year
My Dad developed severe vision problems in his late '70s as
complications of his diabetes. I only found out much later that he was
getting in more and more fender benders and had received several
tickets. Eventually his license came up for renewal but he failed the
vision test and so lost his license. I was unaware of all of this until
after the fact, otherwise I would have tried to intervene somehow.
Thank God that he didn't injure himself or someone else. I think his
fear of losing his independence overrode his good judgment.
I don't have any real advice for you, sorry. I think the situation
evolves slowly enough that the victim doesn't see a clear indication
that enough is enough. Pride keeps them going. A wakeup call is needed,
one that doesn't involve injury, loss of life, or great property loss.
It would be a tough conversation to have. I hope I have enough self-
awareness to know if to retire myself as a driver.
This was certainly my wake up call and I am now prepared to deal with
it...getting in the right frame of mind was the difficult part.
As to diabetes...my wife was starting to have problem with her vision
and it turned out to be Type 2 Diabetes which she now has under control
thanks to diet and exercise...vision is now fine.
An astute nurse picked up signs her doctor missed.
Needless to say she no longer sees that doctor.
Same problem with my father but I think he was concerned being elderly
they might pull his license when he bumped someone but did not get a
ticket. He was of relatively sound mind but old.
Major stroke at home is what took him off the road but that also put him
in the nursing home.
I've seen it with other seniors and think police had their licenses
pulled in a minor accident where they showed major signs of senility.
Unfortunately it can take a precipitating incident. Hope they do not
You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to know
whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very
unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you manage
that? Could be major ego problems.
The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a transportation
plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall, grocery store,
golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping trips may easily be
combined with yours ( or other relatives)
Opps hit send too soon. Let me finish that last thought. While your parents'
shopping trips may easily be
combined with yours ( or other relatives) there will be conflicting trips.
Dad wants to get his hair cut and you have an important meeting. Your plan
must deal with such conflicts.
Because this is Usenet, I hardly had the time to tell the whole story
as there have been numerous non-driving incidents that make it obvious
he is having a problem. A doctor has been examining him and has found
/some/ mental impairment. Is it Alzheimer's or possibly a very slight
stroke...I don't know...but there is a problem that needs to be addressed
My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is
so that's only going to be a short term solution.
It looks like assisted living may be a necessity.
While I'm sure that you will mostly receive kind advice, it should be
pointed out that this is a home repair newsgroup. I hope you are asking
elsewhere, too. My local county has a council on senior citizens as does my
State. I'd get on the phone and discuss your issues and get some advice from
the "pros". If your parents are religious then their pastor is another pro.
Family may be very important. Do you have siblings? What do they think?
Does your Step-father have children? It sounds as if your mother does not
agree with your assessment of the situation, why do you discount her
Lots of things to be considered but you seem to be looking for answers,
which is good.
On Monday, May 25, 2015 at 9:36:17 AM UTC-4, philo wrote:
in pennsylvania there is access, it provides low cost transportation to the elderly or infirmed. like a downs 20 some year old who gets transit to their job.
i have a elderly friend who quit driving. it has caused him much unhappiness paying access till i pointed out his car, with insurance, gas, license, inspection etc was costing him over 2 grand a year.
so he is now happy his under a grand access cost is realling saving him money:)
assisted living around here is at least 4 grand per person per month...
theres home care agencies who, shop, do laundery, prepare meals etc that cost a fraction of assisted living and the people get to remain in their own home.....
Thanks for the info...and I am sure my parents would probably agree to
most anything other than assisted living. I know they have savings but
if it's as expensive as you mentioned, that is not going to be a
It took many conversations with my father to get him to stop driving. I fo
und alternatives for him such as the county senior transport and a local ta
xi service. For doctors visits my siblings and I started taking him.
My father kept asking why he needed to stop driving and I told him that his
reaction time to an emergency was very bad. I used the example of a small
child running into the road and he would not be able to react quickly and
properly. After a few months of us telling him, he relinquished and starte
d using alternative transportation.
This is a poignant question. Children of older parent face this all the time
and there is no good answer. You are taking away their last vestige of
independence. Have you ridden with him lately? Have a lot of citations?
Watch him park?
The only good thing is that they tend to drive much slower... (Don't we
know?) Would he be willing to take a AARP or AAA elder driving course?
If you know he's not capable you have to talk to him and sell the car. Or in
some states you can get him reexamined.
Good luck, now I will read the other responses.
Not sure about where the OP lives, but here after 80 there is mandatory
retesting every couple years, and also his doctor can have the driver's
My father is the same age, and a good but safe and slow driver, he knows
his eyesight is suffering and no longer drives at night or on the highway.
Did not want to go in with both barrels blasting.
Decided to first get my mother to admit there might be a problem...
after some discussion my mother decided to tell my step dad, that due to
concerns my sister and I have, it looks like a good idea for *both* of
my parents to get re-tested bu the DMV.
That kind of softened the blow to my step-dad.
He said he did not think a re-test was needed, but agreed that he (and
my mom) will both get one.
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