In Illinois police or just about anyone can file request with the Secretary of State (our DMV) to have a physically impaired driver brought in for a retest.
In my late father's -who was physically impaired in his late 80's - case what worked was my sister-in-law, a nurse, explaining that his impairment (nerve damage to leg affecting his ability to react quickly) could cause an accident that could cause horrendous injuries/consequences to an INNOCENT family.
That did it. He voluntarily hung up the car keys and it was not an issue. Before that, it was "oh, I can drive, I just have to be careful and go a bit slower because it takes longer for me to switch from the accelerator to the brake.
In his case, the mind was still clear and functioning like a 55-60 year old. YMMV
Same problem with my father but I think he was concerned being elderly they might pull his license when he bumped someone but did not get a ticket. He was of relatively sound mind but old.
Major stroke at home is what took him off the road but that also put him in the nursing home.
I've seen it with other seniors and think police had their licenses pulled in a minor accident where they showed major signs of senility.
Unfortunately it can take a precipitating incident. Hope they do not get hurt.
You have two problems. The first is that you really do not seem to know whether his driving abilities are slipping. Your anecdotes are very unconvincing. So, some testing would help to decide but how will you manage that? Could be major ego problems. The second problem is that you'll need to come up with a transportation plan. Someone will have to take your parents to the mall, grocery store, golf, restaurants. et c.. While your parents shopping trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives)
Opps hit send too soon. Let me finish that last thought. While your parents' shopping trips may easily be combined with yours ( or other relatives) there will be conflicting trips. Dad wants to get his hair cut and you have an important meeting. Your plan must deal with such conflicts.
Because this is Usenet, I hardly had the time to tell the whole story as there have been numerous non-driving incidents that make it obvious he is having a problem. A doctor has been examining him and has found /some/ mental impairment. Is it Alzheimer's or possibly a very slight stroke...I don't know...but there is a problem that needs to be addressed
My mom can still drive him around of course, but she is older than he is so that's only going to be a short term solution.
It took many conversations with my father to get him to stop driving. I fo und alternatives for him such as the county senior transport and a local ta xi service. For doctors visits my siblings and I started taking him.
My father kept asking why he needed to stop driving and I told him that his reaction time to an emergency was very bad. I used the example of a small child running into the road and he would not be able to react quickly and properly. After a few months of us telling him, he relinquished and starte d using alternative transportation.
While I'm sure that you will mostly receive kind advice, it should be pointed out that this is a home repair newsgroup. I hope you are asking elsewhere, too. My local county has a council on senior citizens as does my State. I'd get on the phone and discuss your issues and get some advice from the "pros". If your parents are religious then their pastor is another pro. Family may be very important. Do you have siblings? What do they think? Does your Step-father have children? It sounds as if your mother does not agree with your assessment of the situation, why do you discount her opinion? Lots of things to be considered but you seem to be looking for answers, which is good.
One reason I posted here was simply for everyone to just plain tell me what was obviously the right thing to do...directly take action...which I will be doing shortly
in pennsylvania there is access, it provides low cost transportation to the elderly or infirmed. like a downs 20 some year old who gets transit to their job.
i have a elderly friend who quit driving. it has caused him much unhappiness paying access till i pointed out his car, with insurance, gas, license, inspection etc was costing him over 2 grand a year.
so he is now happy his under a grand access cost is realling saving him money:)
assisted living around here is at least 4 grand per person per month...
theres home care agencies who, shop, do laundery, prepare meals etc that cost a fraction of assisted living and the people get to remain in their own home.....
Thanks for the info...and I am sure my parents would probably agree to most anything other than assisted living. I know they have savings but if it's as expensive as you mentioned, that is not going to be a likelihood.
My sister had a similar problem with her FIL, who also lives in Wisconsin. She and her husband spoke to her FIL's doctor about their concerns regarding his driving. The doctor agreed with them, but in the family meeting, the doctor wussed out and sided with the FIL. So his son had no choice but to take it up with the DMV. His dad lost his license, but his car was still parked in his garage. His son had to take the car away after he discovered his dad's caregiver was A. letting his dad drive it, and B. driving it herself.
My elderly neighbor lost her license after she got t-boned at a busy intersection in a high-traffic part of town. She insisted that the other driver was at fault, but the state yanked her license and told her she'd have to pass a reflex test and a road test in order to get it back. She failed the reflex test and furiously blamed it on the woman the DMV had assigned to be her coach/driving instructor. She then decided not to even try the road test, but continued to insist there was nothing wrong with her driving ability.
My elderly mother got cited for driving past a school bus that had its stop arm extended. Turns out that's not just a moving violation here, it's a misdemeanor, with a mandatory court appearance. After a discussion with the court clerk, I told them we'd just plead her guilty. The city attorney then offered my mom a deal - well, two actually: 1. drop the charge if my mom took and passed a road test (mom scowled and shook her head); 2. drop the charge if my mom had no further traffic violations over the next year. We took the second deal, and it persuaded my mom to give up driving. Thankfully, because there were two prior incidents where she got lost while driving in her own neighborhood.
It can be very, very difficult getting people to give up their keys, even when they've got friends and family right at hand to do the driving for them.
This is a poignant question. Children of older parent face this all the time and there is no good answer. You are taking away their last vestige of independence. Have you ridden with him lately? Have a lot of citations? Watch him park?
The only good thing is that they tend to drive much slower... (Don't we know?) Would he be willing to take a AARP or AAA elder driving course?
If you know he's not capable you have to talk to him and sell the car. Or in some states you can get him reexamined.
Not sure about where the OP lives, but here after 80 there is mandatory retesting every couple years, and also his doctor can have the driver's license revoked.
My father is the same age, and a good but safe and slow driver, he knows his eyesight is suffering and no longer drives at night or on the highway.
Decided to first get my mother to admit there might be a problem... after some discussion my mother decided to tell my step dad, that due to concerns my sister and I have, it looks like a good idea for *both* of my parents to get re-tested bu the DMV.
That kind of softened the blow to my step-dad.
He said he did not think a re-test was needed, but agreed that he (and my mom) will both get one.
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