New Rules for Plumbing

[Pat]

I needed to install a new, outside faucet this weekend and I had my teenage son helping. I told him he had to learn to solder plumbing because you just never know when you'll need that skill.

So as we were working, it became time to cut the existing water line so I marked the location and handed him the saw (I couldn't find my tubing cutter). He said he didn't want to do it. At first I thought he figured out that he'd get wet but I asked him why, none the less. He said that he couldn't take the pressure of disabling all of the water into the house. I thought that was an interesting thought but he had a good point -- never start a plumbing project you can't finish.

That became Rule #1 of Plumbing: Never start a plumbing project you can't finish.

Rule #2: For project of less than one day in scope, add at least 3 hours and two trips to the hardware store to your estimate. For longer projects, add 1 day per estimated day. Wives scream less if you finish early.

Rule #3: When the pipes are cut, the plumber is wet and things aren't going okay, it is okay to lie to people about anything you want if it gets them to leave you alone.

Rule #4: Always give your wife a bill. She'll blow you off, but at least she might see that whatever you did had some value on some planet.

Rule #5: Don't tell anyone when you're done so you can get the first shower.

I'm sure there are more.

[HeyBub]

So you installed an outside faucet and gave your wife a bill. I take it from that that she does the washing outside. In a big tub. With a washboard.

Outstanding! Wish I had a wife like that!

I bet she can cook a Sunday chicken dinner starting with a chicken from the coop!

[PatM]

I didn't say she paid the bill. I just gave her one. I'm trying a frostproof faucet instead of using an inside value to turn off out outside value. We'll see how well that works.

And for the record, with me doing soldering in the basement. My son thought it amusing that I took a fire extinguisher with me as part of my "plumbing supplied". When he asked why, I said "you've never seen me solder before".

I also give her bills for car repairs. Unfortunately, she doesn't pay them, either. At least she looks at the odometer reading I put on the windshield to remainder her when the next oil change is due. She usually reminds me when it's +/- 1,000 miles; oops, I mean when it's

+1,000 miles. She never reminds me early. Her idea of preventive maintenance is to tell me when parts are dragging on the ground.

As for the cooking, I do about 90% of that but I don't bill for it. You missed some killer Potatos au Gratin this weekend with potatos I dug from the garden earlier the same day (seriously). Yum.

[DerbyDad03]

re: Rule #1 of Plumbing: Never start a plumbing project you can't finish.

Why would you start *any* project you can't finish?

[HeyBub]

So she doesn't wash, cook, or follow simple instructions. There must be SOMETHING she does well, else you wouldn't keep her around.

I wish I had a wife like that.

[HeyBub]

Uh, because it's not obvious you can't finish it until you start?

[Oren]

"You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter."

[Stormin Mormon]

That became Rule #1 of Plumbing: Never start a plumbing project you can't finish.

1A: Scope out the job, and figure out what tools, and parts you need. Get the parts before you begin. Get a couple extra, whatever, if they are cheap. Like copper elbows.

Rule #2: For project of less than one day in scope, add at least 3 hours and two trips to the hardware store to your estimate.

2A: Since you have scoped out the job, and gotten parts, you won't need so many parts runs.

For longer projects, add 1 day per estimated day. Wives scream less if you finish early.

2B: It's good to figure extra time.

Rule #3: When the pipes are cut, the plumber is wet and things aren't going okay, it is okay to lie to people about anything you want if it gets them to leave you alone.

3A: Honest people will be honest with their family. It's OK to honestly tell someone you need to be left alone with your work.

Rule #4: Always give your wife a bill. She'll blow you off, but at least she might see that whatever you did had some value on some planet.

4A: Only if you want to be billed for sex, food, and housekeeping.

Rule #5: Don't tell anyone when you're done so you can get the first shower.

5A: That's the male prerogative. You don't have to lie.

I'm sure there are more.

[PatM]

Sure. Knock yourself out. Send me a link when you're done.

[PatM]

It is one thing to be honest with your family. But it's another to honestly answer when your wife says "how's it going down there". "It's going great" is better that ")@#*$)#$)*)@#$*))@*#$#)@"

Being a male prerogative doesn't help. I have two teenage boys who are quicker than I am. That makes me #3 in line for a shower. But only I know when I turned the water heater on and know when the water will be up to temp!!!

[Winston]

Thanks!

--Winston

[Winston]

Here is what I have so far:

Thanks for your contribution!

--Winston

[HeyBub]

There's a reason why every single readable site on the web has black type on a white background. Thousands of years of experience has shown it's the most legible. If the Bible had been printed with red type on a green background, why we'd have stealing and murders all around us.

No, wait...

[Stormin Mormon]

Change the background. That's almost impossible to read. Just black text on white background is best. I'll send you some pieces of wisdom as I find them.

[PatM]

Re Rule #9 (Rain-X). For it to work best, you need to clean your windshield cleaner than clean! But when CLEAN, and I mean CLEAN, it works like a charm. The "secret" I've discovered is to use Comet Cleanser or any cleaner that says "safe for fiberglass". Then it won't scratch your windshield. With the Comet Cleanser, or Ajax, or Bon Ami (GM's recommended cleaner), you can scrub your windshield just like a sink.

[Winston]

(...)

Okay, I've changed it to be more readable. It is still awful, but I don't want to spend any time learning html.

So there. :)

--Winston

[Winston]

Try this!

--Winston

[Winston]

(...)

Thanks!

Stolen and published.

--Winston

[DerbyDad03]

I use the windshield cleaner with Rain-X mixed in.

Works like a charm. I rarely need my wipers at speeds over 25 - 30 MPH.

BTW - Here's one of the best glass cleaners I've ever used:

[Stormin Mormon]

Sigh. Much easier. Thanks.