May 22, 2006
Important Recall Notice. Just announced today.
This is an important recall for all males born between August 1, 1978
until November 1, 1989. All men born during this time period, your
penis is being recalled. It has been discovered that the penis of men
born during this time have a serious flaw which causes explosive
ejaculatory malfunction during intercourse. Because of this flaw,
many women are suffering from internal damage to the vagina which is
causing them to become more fertile than the average female, thus
inducing above normal pregnancies and causing rupture of the
capillaries surrounding the vaginal wall. This is a serious matter.
All men born during this time period are required by law to return
their penis for inspection and replacement. Any man who does not
return his penis by June 15, 2006 will be arrested, receive a large
fine not to exceed $25,000, and the person will be placed under the
care of a prison physician, until the faulty penis is removed and/or
All men born during this time period are being asked to refrain from
all sexual activity until their penis is inspected and/or replaced.
All females are being asked to avoid all sexual contact with men born
during this time period. Women are being told to ask for legal
identification from all males with whom they seek sexual
gratification, and are being told to seek older men until the recall
To return your penis, simply go to any U.S. hospital and provide
identification proving you are a US Citizen, Male, and you were born
during the recall dates. (Birth certificate required). There is no
charge for this. If you prefer, you can return your penis by U.S.
Mail. Simply cut off your penis, place it in a sturdy box and package
according to the U.S. Postal Service's requirements. You will be
required to pay postage using this method. If your penis is faulty, a
replacement penis will be mailed to you. If your original penis is
found to be flawless, it will be returned to you. Please allow 8 to
12 weeks for your approved penis to arrive.
Do not delay. This is a serious matter.
U.S. Recall Center