The Latest News - August 18, 2003
Another terrorist bombing occurred today in the city of Chicago.
The incident occurred at 8:19am in an occupied apartment complex on
44th Street. The bomb was said to be a "Raid Insect Bomb". At last
count, this bomb killed 2162 cockroaches, 388 ants, 27 silverfish, 8
centepedes, 12 spiders, 4 crickets, 43 flies, 16 moths, 3 mosquitos, 1
bee, and several other unidentified insects. The count is rising as a
rescue team of mice continue to dig thru the rubble, looking for
survivors. Ralph Sipple, said to be manager of the apartment complex,
who also resides at the address is being held for investigation in the
incident, and is believed to be the terrorist responsible for the
bombing. His bail has been set at $6.99 plus tax, which is what the
bomb cost at Walmart. If anyone has any information regarding this
bombing, please contact authorities. All information is confidential.
This just in...... One of the mice who have been looking for
survivors was fatally injured when getting his neck broke, after being
caught in a mouse trap. The trap was apparently placed next to the
refrigerator in the apartment complex and loaded with weapons of mass
peanut butter. After hours of questioning, Mr. Sipple has denied any
responsibility for the mouse trap.
President Bush was flown back to the Whitehouse from his Texas Ranch,
for security measures. He was upset, because he wanted to spent the
day alone with his cow. The president is preparing a speech, and will
address the nation at 8pm EST today. The speech will be televised,
live on MSNBC, CNN, and FOX networks. The terror alert was raised to
code red, just before noon today, because of this incident. Please
stay tuned to your local television and radio for the latest news
updates in this incident.
News Team 6
This feeble attempt at humor misses an interesting point:
The organophosphates commonly used in commercial pesticide preparations
are chemically closely related to nerve gas. Both work by interfering
with the uptake of acetylcholine.
In a sense, Raid is nerve gas for insects.
Steven D. Litvintchouk
On Mon, 18 Aug 2003 14:22:33 -0500, latebreaking firstname.lastname@example.org
In followup news, the no bid $1 billion contract for cleanup of the
apartment complex was awarded to Dick Cheney's Halliburton Corp.
Halliburton quickly funneled the money to their Bermuda division
to avoid paying US taxes and subcontracted the labor to Merry Maids.
When questioned about the no-bid contract which was apparently just a
sham to cheat taxpayers out of a billion dollars and for which
Halliburton will do no actual work other than arrange for a
subcontractor, a Presidential spokesman said, "SO?". A spokesperson
for Halliburton said that they were unable to comment because they
were laughing too hard on their way to the bank.
Talking about nerve (gas) for insects; looks like this thread got
on somebody's nerves.
Funny how the word liberal is used these days!
Lighten up; it's good will and humour that has got us humans
through many a crisis.
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