From another newsgroup:
Why Men Are Happier Than Women
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us,
he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives,
on December 24, in 45 minutes.
'S OK, Mike, you can even blame it on me, I've got broad shoulders.(Besides,
I don't remember who sent it to me.)
BTW, who do you haul your *sticks* for? I have one SIL & a friend who used
to haul for Jamestown Sterling before they went belly-up a few years back.
Man you got that right! Just for kicks the miss was hypnotized and
she was requested to open a jar of peanut butter I had closed. Under
hypnosis, she still could not do it! After she left the trance, she
asked, "Why are my hands so sore?" I laughed.
A six pack. Plus one package of underwear lasts for years. We don't have
to get rid of it until the elastic separates all the way around.
Not true. My beard is already starting to turn gray.
Not quite. I have one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of hiking boots, an
old pair of hiking boots, a pair of snow boots, two pairs of moccasins, and
a pair of sandals...
Maybe I'm gay and I'm just in denial?
(OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old pair
90% of the time.)
Or above it, if we don't want to.
We don't *get* big hips until much, much further down the road toward
They don't have to match either. Brown belt, brown shoes, black wallet, who
36. We get to hold your hand and say "hee hee hee hoooooo" while you try to
pass a watermelon.
37. Our gonads don't stop working until after well after we're dead, and our
hormonal balance remains the same from puberty onwards.
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan < email@example.com>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
Wasn't it Imelda Marcos who had something like 1300 pairs of shoes? I have to
wonder when she found time to try them on, never mind wear them.
"Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal."
Mine doesn't have QUITE that many but she has a sizable collection
neatly stacked in shoeboxes in the closet. A few years ago she did
something that really annoyed me (don't even remember what it was) so
off I sneak to her closet and swap a shoe here and there from one box
to another. Surprise!
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