OT Humour: Perks of being over 50

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PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, " Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list, so in passing it along they may get it back.
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Ain't that the truth....
creak, pop Rob
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wrote:

*Everything* is more accurate than the national weather service.
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wrote:

Yeah. Going outside and looking up usually works for me. I can get pretty good two day predictions that way, which is more than the weather service can say.
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Charles Self wrote:

that's what the weather service does.     j4
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Not sure what the NWS uses, but one thing for sure is that it doesn't involve a window to the outdoors.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Long ago I worked for the weather bureau and then the weather service so I know how it was done. In the old days (pre computer) we used darts, but after computers we had a program that had a dart game instaled, no more heavy lifting.
jo4hn wrote:

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I thought the NWS did the weather predictions when they went out for their first smoke break.... --dave
wrote:

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"6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way."
Damn. Well, 19 out of 20 ain't bad, I guess.
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I thought about that.
I still have a whack of mistakes to make. I just know it.
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jo4hn wrote:

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at "70" you no longer have to do jury duty. Something for you to look foward to.
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Shoot. I'll miss that. I last had jury duty in, IIRC, 1964. Drunk driving case that lasted almost 45 minutes.
And that bit about sucking in the ol' gut not being a reaction at 50--well, I'm a few years past that (quite a few) and when my wife's niece walked into the restaurant yesterday, my gut just intuitively tried to shrink. That youngster is just short of spectacular. Nice kid, too, for a railroad cop.
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Something you look forward too? I thought that would be the excitement factor at 70 along with discussing your BM's with you friends and neighbors.
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wrote:

Clearly written by someone under 30 who has no concept of what 50 will be like. I'm just about to turn 60 and don't anticipate most of those kicking in for another ten years.
--
LRod

Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
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LRod wrote
"Clearly written by someone under 30 who has no concept of what 50 will be like. I'm just about to turn 60 and don't anticipate most of those kicking in for another ten years."
Wow. Best of luck with all those kidnappings. :-) I'm certainly happy MINE are over with.
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Maybe not even another 20 years. My dad turned 80 this year, he still farms, Mom still gardens and puts up fruits and vegetables along with helping load cattle. On his 80'th birthday, Dad and Mom bought a combine. The only thing that slows Dad down right now is the fact his hips are giving him problems. They are trying to treat that medically, but he is most likely going to go in for hip replacement this spring. Pretty much nothing slows Mom down at all.
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Mark & Juanita wrote:

Dad bought his first jetski at 74. At 77 he had to stop riding after they had to cut out his voicebox. Given the hole in his neck, he would've just automatically drowned if he fell off while jumping wakes out on the river. Otherwise he would've continued to ride until the day he died.
Dave Hall
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Mark & Juanita wrote:

My Dad is 81. I called up to Kentucky about a month ago and found that he had loaded up his boat and gone fishing. I told Mom that I was concerned about Dad being out there in the boat in cold weather by himself.
"Oh," she responded, "he's not alone. Ben Trail went with him."
Ben is 86. (Isn't Ben Trail a great name?)
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What's really great is their being able to do it, and enjoy it. I'm getting to the age where 81 is looking younger almost daily, and 86 and on my feet, and not drooling (too much) is a goal to aim for.
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